Truth, Lies, and Videotape (Actually Not the Videotape Part)

Wow, I'm shocked that some of you think that yesterday's list was exciting. Thanks! Now that I'm going to explain these Happening Happenings, I fear you'll be disappointed. But, hell, you weren't disappointed yesterday (why?), so what am I worried about?!

And now, the moment we've all been waiting for (duh, duh, duh, duh!!!)

Here's goes nuttin'...

1. I once had my wallet stolen by movers. They hid the "evidence" in the the tank of toilet. We discovered their genius hiding spot when flushing.

True When we moved here to LA (Lower Alabama, that is, ma'am), one of the movers stole my wallet out of my purse that was sitting in the kitchen. Sure it shouldn't have been sitting there, but really...they had access to all my belongings. It never occurred to me that they'd steal my wallet. It is an understatement that I went ballistic when I discovered it was missing. I was pregnant with Peanut at the time and you DO NOT F*CK WITH A PREGNANT WOMAN. The moving company bought me a brand new wallet when we were able to produce the sopping wet wallet from the tank of the toilet. The thief became a very rich man when he stole the $4 (ha ha, jackass).

2. I got kicked out of a bar on my 22nd birthday for smoking pot in the bathroom. I was so pissed, seeing as I was there to see Art Bentley, a really great musician. When I got home, I stumbled into a chair, threw the chair, and put a hole in the wall.

True, but... I did get kicked out of the bar for allegedly smoking pot in the bathroom. However, I was NOT smoking pot, just a Marlboro Ultra Light (ewww). I'm pretty sure there's a slight difference.

Mmm, Art Bentley.... (you're welcome, Shannon)



3. I got into a screaming match with a cashier at Kroger because she was being such a colossal bitch. It's the closest I've ever been to being in a physical fight.

True Embarrassing, but true. I've had a little problem with anger in the past. Kind of a "don't mess with me or else" kind of attitude. I'm much better now. But she was being a colossal bitch.

4. In 2nd grade, I puked all over my reading book during reading group. I was wearing a shirt with a rainbow on it, never wore the shirt again.

True I hate anything rainbow-esque to this day.

5. I absolutely love sardines. Especially in Louisiana Hot Sauce.

True Please still be my friend. They're good, just slimy and make you have awful breath. I promise to never eat them around you.

6. When on spring break in LA, I saw Jack Nicholson driving around in his Jeep Grand Cherokee and Chad Lowe in a Ford Taurus.

True It was really odd to see these guys just driving around in average cars, I expected BMW's, or Range Rovers, or a least a Caddy! I also saw Noah from Beverly Hills, 90210 when I was there. He was VERY short.

7. I lost my wedding ring down the drain and had to call a plumber to get it out. I was so freaked out because it's my prize possession and I'm sure Tate would have broken my thumbs.

FALSE!!! This is one of my biggest fears (besides the obvious fears of something bad happening to Peanut, Tate, or Petunia.) I've had nightmares about losing my wedding ring. And for the record, Tate would never, ever, ever break my thumbs (or anything else, for that matter).

I suppose the rest are obviously true....

8. I was a child model.

True In the seventh grade, I tried out to be a Dillard's child model and won! I got to do three whole fashion shows in the MALL. That's it. I didn't even get to keep the clothes.

9. Black Bears live in my backyard.

True



10. Once, when doing home based speech therapy in a seedy part of Knoxville, a man kicked in the door and demanded money. I NEVER went back.

True Luckily the man was not demanding money from me, but from the Mom (if you could really call her that...it's not a title the woman deserved) of the little girl with whom I was working. Scared the living crap out of me, though.

11. A few months after my sixteenth birthday, I rear-ended the short bus right in front of school. Then, I drove off.

True (Hang my head in shame) In my defense, I barely tapped the bus, I don't even know if the bus driver knew I hit them. I was so mortified, seeing as it happened right in front of school and I had people in the car with me. There was just a little dent in my 1987 Chevy Nova, I don't even remember what I told my parents.

So, now you know. That's everything exciting about me. Everything.

It's only fair, it's YOUR TURN to share something odd/interesting/cool that has happened to you. I'm sure ya'll can come up with something a bajillion times better than mine.