Eternal Damnation
We went to church this morning, seeing as it's the start of Holy Week. Since Peanut has become mobile, we've let our churchgoing slide. The thought of chasing him under the pews, listening to his screaming protests, or watching Mass from the cry room has not appealed to Tate or me. However, we were hoping that attending church today could help curb our eventual spiral into eternal damnation.
Sadly, the whole going to church business didn't go anymore smoothly than we'd expected. As Tate spent much of the time either in the cry room or trying to keep Peanut from swan diving from the pew, I had time to daydream listen to today's message.
As I looked around, I noticed MANY, MANY good Catholic families with MANY, MANY children. The family two pews ahead of us had seven children all looking to be under the age of around nine. It looked to me like they had at least two, possibly three sets of twins. The sheer number of twins was not the most amazing part of this family, though. They were ALL wearing something that required ironing. And! Their clothes were all freshly pressed. Also, the Mom looked like a million dollars. Happy, calm, dressed, clean hair, and she smiling. She was smiling at her SEVEN very well-behaved children. I was in awe.
Then there was the family sitting directly in front of us. Four children, all five years of age or less. (I know this because I asked the oldest girl how old she was.) Each child sat quietly, playing with their palm leaves for the ENTIRE Mass.
This is only a mere two examples. These families with litters of children had the most well-behaved kids in church. And the Mothers all seemed happy! There is no way that people were looking at me in church today thinking, "ah, she looks so happy!" I was stressed at Peanut's behavior and antics, eventhough he's only 17 months old.
We are either going to have to start faithfully attending church to get Peanut used to sitting for a long period of time. Or we'll have to resign ourselves to a few years of the cry room. Or worse yet, we'll have to accept that we are doomed for eternal damnation.
Labels:
Little Monkeys
19 People are even more brilliant:
Those moms are stepford wives. That or the children have been beaten severely. :)
I've always heard we are judged by the company we keep.
You are in trouble.
This was so funny: "However, we were hoping that attending church today could help curb our eventual spiral into eternal damnation."
How do you suppose those big tranquil ironed families do it? Wait, it's drugs. It has to be drugs. They're all heavily sedated.
I don't even attempt public outings where SF may have to behave...it's too stressful...for me.
Screw it until she can drive.
personally, i'm all for damnation. ;)
though the Stepford families do sound fascinating...erm...i mean, impressive. i'm not, honestly, sure which i mean. i can't imagine ironing for ME. and if i could imagine seven children, i don't think they'd be behaved, even in my most Kodachrome fantasies. but maybe the big clans really are doing something right, who knows? i imagine that in order to function as that large a unit, there'd have to be some pretty in-line behaviour going on on everybody's part.
still. i'd be with you in the cry room, if i didn't find damnation and wrinkles so much easier.
We have the same problem..but our church doesn't have a cry room...so we are the family in the back with Woodrow screaming and Cooper running for the altar. *sigh* I was hoping to go to Holy Thursday mass and Good friday mass but I don't think I'll be brave enough.
Bet the nanny is at home cleaning up from feeding the kids breakfast and getting them dressed while the mom was beautifying herself (oh, and the ironing, that was the Nanny's doing, too). I realize I haven't explained the perfect behavior ... maybe the kids are so shocked to have Mom and Dad around that they're literally IN SHOCK??
Sara (suburban oblivion), I'm in deep if I'm judged on the company I keep. The devil has my name at the top of his list thanks to you all!
Swistle, drugs are a definite possibility as to the nature of their behavior!
Bon, that is my theory...they must be well behaved or it would be pandomonium.
tulipmom, a nanny is not a possibility that I'd thought of, but that just may be the explanation. Or it's just the drugs.
Cry rooms suck! We were late (as usual) for mass so were sentenced to the cry room to get a seat. After realizing that today's mass was practically a complete standing mass, we had got out of the loud, hot, claustrophic room and stood in the fresh air with all the other latecomers. I (again) vowed to be earlier next week. Of course it's Easter so we'll have to be an hour early.
So your church doesn't have a nursery? Or children's church? I'm a big fan of the children having their own age appropriate "church" that they can enjoy while parents enjoy the grown-up service (without having to worry about how their child is acting).
I don't attend church regularly, but I was going to ask if they have 'kids church' were things are directed more towards the younger crowd, but Ally answered my question. If it makes you feel better I have a hard time sitting through Church too, so Peanut isn't alone.
I'm not exactly anxious to bet away my salvation... but I'd be willing to bet... something that it's all a facade. Seriously, do you believe this family can keep it together for more than a few hours a week? ha!
Relax Jen....hell isn't a real place. Stick with me and we'll get really deep into quantum physics, ok? snort
Ally, I think all the masses are deemed children's church! There are so many children, being a Catholic church! Nobody else minds the children making noise, I just feel weird when Peanut is acting like the 17 month old that he is!
in our family, we JOKE (not totally) about using benadryl before leaving for church. We were beginning to worry that everyone might start BELIEVING us, so we don't talk about it anymore. We WHISPER.
benadryl = well-behaved children
My Stinkerbell is now 6 and KNOWS the meaning of my finger snapping. Which was learned mostly in church, because you cant very well THROW your shoe or a hymnal at her. (I may have thrown a pencil at her feet once.)
3 words:
Crayola Color Wonder
It's almost as good as benadryl. The best thing is that the other churchy folks can't tell WHICH hymnal I let Stinkerbell scribble in! Because the magical ink doesn't work on hymnal or Bible paper!!!
http://www.crayolastore.com/product_detail.asp?T1=CRA+75%2D2003&.
And don't worry about the crying room thing. If Joseph (Jesus' dad) were Peanut's dad, he'd have taken him in there too. That may have been what happened when Jesus got left behind at the temple.
I've got this whole dialogue running in my head now.
"Mary, have you seen Jesus?"
"No, wasn't he with you in the crying room?"
"Yes, but then he went to sleep and I covered him up with his blankie while I got a drink of water."
"Joseph! You idiot! You just left the SON! OF! GOD! in the crying room at that strange temple. Get off your ass and go back there and get your Son!"
I'm cracking me up. Doncha love how I made Mary swear!
(whispering) benadryl
One more thing...
Is the crying room only for kids that are crying? Can moms use it when they need to cry BECAUSE of their kids?
Cuz I totally need one.
I just have to share a story. This was a number of years ago... I'm not sure how long... maybe 10 years ago. My brother and I were with his girlfriend (now wife) and girlfriend's sister. We were all in our early 20s, the sister maybe 18. The sister had recently began attending church regulary. My brother and I were lucky if we even made it to church for Christmas Eve. We were talking about this... and the sister said something like "well you really shouldn't feel at all guily, if you were suppose to be at church you'd know. I believe you just here God calling when it is your time to be in church." My brother... as serious as could be... look at me and said "well Col, I think maybe God's lost our phone number." I will never forget that conversation.
But, now I guess God's got my husband's number all call's him up every few weeks. Zoe was doing pretty well with the whole church experience until the last few times. Ever since our friend the temper tantrum showed up church has been more and more difficult... and we have no "cry room".
Auburn gal, that's the funniest comment I've ever received. EVER!
Drugs. Those mothers are easily heavily medicated.
Post a Comment