Step Away From the Hedge Trimmer

I promised everyone earlier in the week to share with you my lackluster landscaping abilities. Remember that I told you that I'm a worse landscaper than I am a housekeeper.

Landscaping, like most home improvement projects, makes me want to curl in a ball and rock, silently back and forth, until it all goes away. Flowers, trees, pruning, mowing, planting, and watering are just a few of the outdoor duties that I don't dig. Luckily, Tate enjoys outdoor projects. Unfortunately neither of us actually knows what we're doing.

We really want to improve. It's just that there is so much to know. I occasionally read the Gardening section in Southern Living, but usually end up with a pounding headache due to it's super-advanced material. There is a proper way to prune depending on the type of plant. Different plants require different fertilizers. You have to fertilize these different plants during specific seasons. Some plants require shade, some full sun, and others partial shade or partial sun. Mulching is important, but be careful of the type of mulch chosen and thickness in which it's placed around plants.

There are very few nurseries around here. Weird, I know. Most plant shopping has to be done at Lowe's and Home Depot. Unfortunately, the zit-faced kid who's just trying to make enough money to put a kick-ass sound system in his '92 Civic, isn't much help in answering questions about the right plant choices for our yard. So we wander aimlessly, up and down the aisles looking at plants, hoping to choose wisely.

I swear you need a Ph.D in landscaping to have a lush, envy worthy yard.

We've been in desperate need around here of making some significant changes to our landscape. I'm pretty sure that when the house was originally built, a professional landscaper was hired to design and plant the bushes in the front of our house. These bushes are so nicely arranged and look nice no matter the season. Unfortunately, they've been subjected to our amateur pruning abilities and have suffered as a result.

Then there's the Azalea bushes which everyone (except Tate and I) thinks are God's gift to any landscape. To my fellow Southern readers, please do not feel that the previous statement was a slap in the face. We had about 10 bushes lining our driveway which looked liked straggly, sick, misshapen Don King hair impersonators. We* ripped them out at the dismay of a our next door neighbor. (I'm not too worried about this person's opinion as she has a raging case of the CRAZIES and her idea of landscaping is putting a bunch of yard ornaments out and leaving a dead tree in the middle of her yard. She has a very odd "statue" of two children riding an alligator?! I'd include pictures, but I fear being caught in the act of snapping the picture!)

Last weekend, we* worked tirelessly and to the best of our limited abilities, pruning, planting, and mulching. I hope that our efforts stay looking nice for at least the summer. Now we just need to remember to water our plants and not allow Peanut to throw all the newly placed mulch onto the driveway. Wish us luck. We're going to need it.

*The term we is used extremely loosely in this post as I have done none of the physical labor required for any of these projects.