Getting Right
I fear that this post may ramble. I'll do my best to keep it concise.
(Oh great, Jennifer, tell people that you're going to ramble...that'll keep people reading. Jeez.)
Anyway, as I was saying...I am a bit overwhelmed with so many things on my plate right now. Last night, I told Tate that I needed some alone time this weekend. His response wasn't what I expected.
He was obviously irritated that I wanted to be alone and told me that he was hoping to spend time together this weekend since most of my time has been spent on the computer lately.
Anger seered through me. How dare him accuse me of being on the computer too much! But then, I realized it wasn't anger I was actually feeling, but remorse and even embarrassment.
The thing is, I have been spending too much time on the computer. As soon as the kids are in bed, I get on the computer. Every night, I say I'm just going to check my email. But every night, I end up spending nearly three hours on the computer. (This is after I've spent a good deal of time on the computer during the day.)
Sure there are lots of things on my plate right now with trying to post on my site, twice a day at MamaPop, checking my site stats and new incoming links for the day, Twitter, Facebook, cre8buzz, Myspace, podcasts, reading your blogs, responding to comments, commenting on your blogs, checking email again... Suddenly it's time for bed and I've hardly even spoken to Tate the whole evening.
I realize my plate is full of the wrong things. This has been going on for a long time. I'm not making time for one of the most important people in my life, Tate. So completely NOT cool.
In our blogging community, we all seem to have a sense of responsibility when leaving comments at one another's sites. When someone new visits, we want to return the favor. I know that personally, I really feel this sense of responsibility. In the past week, I've done most of my blog reading through Google Reader and have left few comments. And I feel bad about it.
There really has to be some balance here, with my HUSBAND getting the same courtesy of my time as I offer to you all in this community. I'm sure you'll understand that my comments are going to be fewer. I understand the reciprocity of comments, so I'll understand if your comments get fewer as well.
I'll still be reading and commenting as time allows.
More of my time is going to be spent with my man. Where I should be. Where I should have been.
39 People are even more brilliant:
Nothing at all wrong with that. You do what you feel you need to do. That's what is most important.
The sheer time that blogging takes (not just the writing, but as you've mentioned here, the comments, etc) is what made me take a year off from blogging in the first place. Though I've returned, I've trimmed my bloglines back to only 20 of my favorites. I love to go check out new blogs, especially when someone comments, and often I add them, but sometimes I don't. I realize this means that my blog will never have the readership that it used to, but I've accepted that. What I'm saying is that I completely understand!
I feel bad when I don't have something to comment...but at the same time I don't feel it necessary to comment all the time. Sometimes someone else has said what I would say, sometimes I just don't have words to express...sometimes I just don't have an opinion.
As for me, don't feel obligated to leave comments on my page unless you just want to or have someting to say. I am not worried about it at all. :-)
Do what you gotta do.
When we upgraded from dial up to fibor optic, I spent so much time on our lightning fast connection that my husband thought I was having an online affair.
I totally get it.
Do not feel bad, please. The time we have to spend waxes and wanes I think. I've been online a ton since I got pregnant, mainly because I felt so crappy.
Now, it's time to cut back here too. I won't be able to check out all the commenters, or to read everyone I've got in Bloglines.
I enjoy reading your blog. Period. You don't have to do anything in return to have me continue enjoying it.
Holy shit! I was thinking about posting about this very thing. I too have been spending an obscene amount of time on the computer and feeling guilty about it. Last night I made myself turn it off and talk to my husband. After all, wouldn't it be silly if the computer was my priority instead of the flesh and blood person who spends my life with me?
Well said Jennifer!
Life is all about finding the balance.
This is one of the many reasons I intensely dislike the whole fake "blog etiquette" thing.
Oh.
My.
God.
You wrote exactly what was in my brain. I am doing nearly the same as you, including designs. I love it so much, but I realize the strain its putting on my relationship too. Ugh.
Don't feel bad at all. Family is more important.
I find myself running into the same problem too. I'm wondering is setting a timer would help, or just "ack!" totally turning the computer off in the evening.
I'm guilty of this, too, and my husband and I have been trying to "schedule" some time together. Maybe even declare one night a week a No Computer night, along with an hour or two each night. It's only fair, I think.
We all go through this at some point in time. [It seems to happen to me every other week.]
Reality checks are awesome [and occasionally suck].
Spend more time with the hubby; that will make him happy.
Plus, just think of all of the material you'll be getting. :)
my husband accused me of the same thing last night and I was pissed until I realized I just really felt guilty. Thank you for inspiring me, because I've been online a LOT this week, what with being sick and trapped at home and bored...
Anyway, tonight - no computer for me. This is harder than a diet!
Oh Jennifer I am TOTALLY in the same place. I think it's the worst when you start something new (like Mamma Pop) b/c the addiction takes hold even harder. I am currently trying to tear myself away but I've gotten so used to checking my computer every three seconds that it's hard. But I have to stop... my family and home is crumbling around me. Good for you for being honest and taking a stand for your priorities. And for the record, you never have to comment on my site! I won't hold it against you!
Bossy also has too much on her plate right now. Unfortunately most of it is high calorie food.
Blogging is a very time-consuming hobby. Hate to admit it, but it is true. I've managed to put it aside a bit and get back to some other stuff, but it is really hard, as I think we are all a bit of slaves to our numbers...
Good for you for realizing what was going on. I spend a lot of time on the computer too, but my husband is just as guilty. I don't comment as much as I'd like to, but that's how it has to be sometimes. Don't worry about it.
Nothing wrong with it at all. Your family is the most important.
I'll still be reading. :)
I've been there...so I can understand....as you may have noticed how few and far between my own posts have been lately. Life happens. Enjoy yourselves while you still can stand the sight of each other! Heehee
When I first started blogging, I wrote about being baffled by bloggers apologizing to their readers for not posting enough, not commenting enough, and not reading enough blogs. I swore to myself that I would keep my blog in perspective and always remember that it was mine, if it was going to be of any quality at all.
Recently, however, I've been apologizing to my readers for not writing enough, not commenting enough, and not reading enough. Good Lord.
I think I've always fought the need to keep blogging in perspective and it was only once I had gotten to know our community more that I began to understand the whole guilt thing. Because I refused to let my time be drawn away from my family too much, I was basically a jerk blogger right out of the gate. It just took me a while to feel appropriately bad about it.
Yet, I'm still not writing enough, commmenting enough, or reading enough. And I just have to deal with it. It doesn't mean that I don't love our blogging community, either.
I've got your back.
I was going to say I doubt you're alone in that feeling, but then I clicked on the comments...so obviously you're not.
I find all of the other social networking sites to be the biggest drain, mostly because I don't think I get much out of them. At least reading and writing on blogs provides me with insight into others.
I'll keep reading. You hug that hubby of yours!
I'll miss your comments but totally understand.
Seriously good for you!
What you could do is get a job outside the home job, spend your lunch hour/breaks and ahem other time blogging/blog reading. Then and time outside of "work" time is just for family. I know someone who does that...;) although she may be out of a job soon but it works for her :)
I've been there. Enjoy time with your family. See you when you're ready to be back - in whatever capacity.
You'll notice my comments aren't regular and they aren't always copious. I probably visit 100 blogs, via Reader.
I can't comment as much anymore. Just can't.
Real life comes first. We'll be here and we get it.
Yup. I'm there too.
I get yelled at by The Pro when I spend too much 'night' time on the ole laptop...
But. Oh Well. I do what I can.
Completely understand where you are coming from. Connecting with the husband is such an overlooked thing, but so important. Best of luck and good for you!
I am guilty of the same thing. When the hubs is here, that is!
I've been in the same type of boat... Enjoy some grown up time with Tate!
Good for you for realizing you need to take a step back. This blogging thing is so addicting!
I'll keep reading you no matter what...you know that.
I had a similar realization earlier this year. I set limits for myself that I was pretty good about abiding by until recently when I've slipped a bit. It is good to have time to connect with your significant other. Speaking of, it is past my 9 pm internet cutoff time so I should join the land of the living!
I'm in the same fix as you are. Hubby tried to take the laptop away from me yesterday. Not a smart move, but I do see his point.
I've set limits for myself, but I'm having a hard time sticking to them. To compensate I'm up to 2am every morning and I'm now a zombie.
If you figure out the balance that is needed, please, pass it along...
we have this samecinversation every once in a while! Absulotely agree with youthat hubby comes first . Go hang with the man and check in when you can!
I've definitely been spending too much time at my laptop, too. And I am a sucky commenter...you, my dear, are a very giving commenter. You can tone it down a ton and still be one of the most giving bloggers out there. Don't stress; we know.
I have only started blogging since my husband has been deployed. I have started to wonder how it will affect our time once he is back.
i can understand about getting a very full plate...and with what you said as the wrong things..heheh...i'm sometimes guilty with that too..but it's good that you realized that quality spent time with family matter most..i can even understand if you don't reciprocate commenting on my site...that's okay...because I truly understand that family should comes fisrt..oh, well next to God.
We HAVE to stop doing this! I have a post in DRAFT about this very topic. And you know what?! I haven't had time to post it. Fuck. ;0)
Seriously, though. I huge AMEN. I've given up on Cre8buzz, Facebook, and Maya's Mom. I can't do it. Can't. And I just can't read everyone I want to. It's sad but true. And, well, if my blog goes to stat hell for it, I don't think it was worth the trouble anyway. Yaknow?
It's still an addiction but I'd like to keep my addictions to a minimum. Wine. Blogging. And Lost. My plate is full. No room for MySpaceNetworks. Amen.
I always wondered how you managed to do it actually. No worries, I've been doing the same thing.
Gettig our time organized in the right priorities is awesome.. I am glad you are getting yours there.. Its hard to do sometimes when we feel we are pulled every which way!! :)
Thank you for writing the post I should have written. I'm guilty as charged.
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