Hello Pot? This is Kettle
He simply told me how he put her to sleep differently.
"Didn't you see how I held her and rocked her. She didn't even cry after I laid her down."
That's all he said, but to me it felt like he said, "your abilities as a mom are really lacking, why can't you do a better job?"
Me and melodrama...we're tight.
I've dealt with Ella's nap and bed time battles nearly everyday since she was born. And nearly everyday, I wonder what I'm doing wrong. It's always been a struggle. So when he put her down, successfully! twice yesterday, it makes me question my parenting skills even more. How is it possible that I do this everyday, yet I can't put her down without her sounding like a drowning cat?
I know that he is a parent to our children, too. His way of doing things certainly isn't wrong, I just don't like to hear when they're better than my way.
Even writing that, I know it is just like the pot calling the kettle black. How many times have I questioned something he's done with the kids? "This is how you fold the dirty diaper correctly." "You should be holding up on your shoulder, she doesn't like being held the way you're holding her." "No, you dilute the apple juice this way."
Most of these ridiculous directives are combined with excessive eye rolling and exasperated sighs.
My "wife skills" are starting to rate right up there with my ability to put my child to sleep. I know. (Eyes roll at myself.)
I feel resentful, though.
I'm guessing this is how he must feel when I correct his parenting attempts...
I suppose I should also feel remorseful.
Labels:
confession,
Men?,
Mommydom
36 People are even more brilliant:
I absolutely and completely empathize! What does he know, anyway? He just got lucky. Or not. Whatever. :-)
Could be something as simple as her wanting daddy time. There are times when babyhead will NOT have me AT ALL. I am unable to do anything right for him...but Daddy comes along and everything is sunshine and kisses.
I say MILK IT. I mean it. Try not to see it as a strike against you but as a way to get 2 minutes to yourself. Really.
I mean...one day she will ONLY want Daddy to change her diapers, feed her, fix her food, etc. and he isn't gonna WANT to do it because he is busy with something...but she won't have anyone BUT him...not mommy...DADDY.
Then you can sit back and relax and when he gives you the "can you please help because I am busy and need to work on ----- and I really don't have time to play/feed/change my child" you can just smile innocently and say, "Sorry hun, she doesn't want me she wants you..." and relax in a nice warm bubble bath...
Ah...DH hates that. HAHAHA.
Ouch... I have been there and it really hurts. Marriage is hard enough without throwing in co-parenting--am I right?!
Hey, perhaps he should then put her down each time then. :)
I get this too and quietly am shouting on the inside.
I could be completely wrong here, but I blame breastfeeding. Little Elvis tries really hard to feed anytime I sit down to rock him to sleep. He knows what Mommy does and he wants that more than he wants sleep. Blame the breasts!
Aww, I feel your pain. I would feel the same way. But, hey, I say put him in charge of bed time...since he's so awesome at it. And then you take your much needed "smoke break" or "lunch hour". HA! That'll show him. My guess is it won't work forever for him. And if it does, you get some much needed time off.
I understand how you feel. It bugs me when D. starts telling me he's "discovered" some fabulous new strategy for handling S.B. I mean I'm glad he's involved and everything but he's barely home during the week ... how about going with the flow and not trying to do everything different/better?
I have to agree about the breastfeeding thing. She has no need to keep being held and jiggled by dad because he doesn't have anything for her.
I know how you feel though, I could have written the same thing.
Hubby and I learned to not correct each other unless asked, first. I also learned that I had to teach him how to correct me, by the way I correct him. (does that make sense?) We've also learned that each kid is just weird and while the first one was soothed more by hubby, the second one is MINE. The first one, however, went down more quickly for me and the second goes quickly for hubby.
Two thoughts:
1) It might be that the minor change in routine (him putting her to bed instead of you) was enough to make her stay put and fall asleep quickly (happens with my daughter when we changed her routine). If that is the case, the novelty will wear off and she'll scream like a banshee for him, too, eventually.
2) Since he's so great at putting her to bed, he's hired! He can take over bedtime and you can do something else.
every time i get a parenting suggestion that halfway makes sense I think the same thing. "how can this person parent my child better than me?" and i immediately start looking for holes in their "genius idea."
;)
I went through the exact same thing with Logan. Every once in a while Carlos would just be able to calm him during one of his episodes after I had tried and tried. It really made me feel like a bit of a failure with Logan. Babies are funny like that, though, you know? Just know that your husband just wants to help you out.
You know I know how tough it can be...if you ever need to talk, I'm here!
I struggle with this constantly. I am learning to shut up when his way is just as good, but different than mine. & when his way works better than mine, it feels like a slap in the face, which is completely stupid because it isn't a competition.
I agree with everyone else - if he's so good at getting Ella to sleep, he gets the job whenever he's home for sleepytime.
I was going to say the exact same two things Erin did.
So...just try to enjoy a little bit of time to yourself when you can. I remember when my son was young being resentful when my husband trumped me here or there. Now I'm thrilled.
I'm very guilty of the same damn thing. I can dish it out alright. But the sting when I get it. Then again, I deal with it ALL day.
I hear ya.
Sounds like our house. Must be normal since most commenters are nodding their heads with you.
I too am guilty of the "I'll tell you how to do your job but don't you dare tell me how to do mine or I'll fantasize kicking you squarely in the balls" move. Ah, we wimmins and the silly mother guilt. When are we going to stop trying to attain perfection? It just ends up pissing us off.
K just kicks my @ss at parenting so routinely that I am getting used to it now.
The thing he did differently was have a penis. The novelty of the new routine will wear off and he'll be pulling his hair out right beside you.
Hope you feel better :)
Sometimes jsut doing it slightly different is the key. Change it up, variety.
Sigh, it is so hard to be a mom.
Welcome to my world! I would've lost it, too, and then convinced myself it's because they act different for him. Which they do.
Seriously, THEY DO! Them kids of ours is krazy!
I'm thoroughly convinced that my child has it figured out: I'm the pushover, and Daddy means it when he says, "it's time to go night-night."
It's so true. He knows he can drag sh*t out with me. He knows that he can't with his Daddy....
Not that you have THAT problem...I'm just saying: that's how it is at OUR house.
Drama and I are permanent BFF's!
I have had these thoughts so many times myself! Having a baby is one constant trial and error....don't be too hard on yourself...chances are, your ways are better anyway! (hee-hee)
Don't sweat it! Men are use to being corrected! They aren't as smart as us!
Oh I so know how you feel.
I feel so inadequate when my husband can settle the twins when I have failed to live up to (my own) mothering standards *SIGH* and resentful towards him (especially when he does his victory dance down the hallway).
"Me and the melodrama--we're tight"
Oh honey, join the club!!
Because I'm a control freak, it's very easy for me to dole out crticism (or as I call it 'gentle instruction') but much harder for me to take it. I often find myself correcting hubby then following it up with "I'm not being critical, I'm just telling you what works". I know there are huge faults in this, but what's a girl to do. I'm trying to take lessons in co-parenting but I'm not doing too well! At least I recognize that I need to improve, right?
Oh, this was a tough one for me too. But now that the kids are a little older and there are more things that can be shared without anxiety, I feel like it's better. I still make snide comments about Steve's housekeeping, but I've learned to suck it up when he does a good job - which is usually.
I had to stumble this one because freakin' cow, woman. Every thing I read hits closer to home. This? A topic of discussion so often in my house it's a joke now. Yaya, I suck, which is why I have no problem handing them off for a girl's night out. ;-)
"Me and melodrama...we're tight." Love that line! But I think so many woman can relate. I think if there's one thing moms have in common it's insecurity...and guilt...oh, and sleepless nights...
Golly.. :)
I totally feel this way too sometimes! DH doesn't even SAY anything, but when he can rock our 1-month-old to sleep and I can't, I feel like he should be the one to stay home because I'm not doing it right!
I get what your are saying. Little jab right into the gut when they choose the wrong vocabulary. remember, by default Mom is the more "skilled" parent. When it comes to mother nature and day one after fertilization men simply can't beat us.
That is why in our house I have a saying ( I've never actually SAID it but we do LIVE it)..... "If there is a job in the house that YOU can do better, then YOU can do it all the time."
And coincidentally, my DH is better at putting the kids to bed than I am, and I have no problems with that whatsoever :)
We've just added Pot and Kettle to our list of pet names for each other.
I think you should embrace the fact that he can put her to bed...and make it his job. That way, it's one less child you have to put to bed and one step closer to...ALONE TIME!
How about a husband who thinks rocking to sleep is the way to go because he hates hearing his son cry? But then isn't the one who had to get up night after night after night after night after hour after hour after hour to take care of his son because he was working and I wasn't? Oh yeah, I won that battle.
Post a Comment