No Forkin' Way
I have a question for all you Internetz out there.
Carson is going to be two next month. I've mentioned before that he is a bit messy at meal time, sometimes enjoying spreading peanut butter and syrup in his hair more than actually eating it. Tate and I attempt to teach him table manners, but when he's done with his meal, any remaining food is going to be thrust swiftly on the floor. I suspect that this is normal, albeit irritating and bothersome, but normal nonetheless.
Besides being Super Messy Eating Boy, he has not mastered the art of utensils. Sure, he demands a spoon at every meal, but it is merely for looks. After he looks at it long enough, he always throws it on the ground in an act of gleeful defiance. This, too, I suspect is normal.
The other day, Kristen at Motherhood Uncensored wrote a post about becoming "that" family in regards to eating out at restaurants. In the comments, one person alluded to the fact that children who are well-behaved at home will certainly be well-behaved in restaurants because they'll know how to act. While I agree in theory, I'm not sure if I believe children always act they way they are taught when in public. Also, I think that my son's meal time behavior is somewhat normal for a child his age. (It makes me feel better to think that this is normal as to deflect any possible poor reflection of my parenting skills.)
What do you all think? Am I raising a child destined to banished from all eating establishments until he's 18? Or is his behavior "normal" for an almost 2-year-old?
What are your eating out tips if I'm doing such a terrible job? I CANNOT fathom not eating out at least once a month for the next eleventy billion years. Cannot fathom.
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My 2 cents: They don't call them the Terrible Twos because it's sounds cute. He sounds like a normal kiddo- just keep on *trying* to instill manners and eventually he'll catch on. Well, as much as guys ever catch on (but that's a whole other story).
He sounds pretty normal. Babyhead will be 3 this December and refuses..REFUSES to learn...how to use anything utensil. All kids are different. Children do NOT always act in public as they do at home. They could act better (we were angels in public when we were kids) or hellions. At the age of two they are finding theirselves and there really is no way to gauge how they will act until you of course take them out.
With that said a tip on eating out...make sure to get finger food or something that can be finger food. We get chicken for Babyhead and cut it up in pieces. He has his fork if he wants to use it or he can use his fingers.
I can't say anything about a mess as Babyhead will NOT tolerate anything messy on him when he is eating. If he drops a pea the world will end until we get it picked up and any pea juice off of his hand/feet/shirt/etc. Spaghetti is always a challenge as I have to sit next to him in case he drops a noodle so I can quickly clean it up before he has a nuclear meltdown. Needless to say we don't have any of those cute spaghetti pics that most people have of their kids.
I guess I am lucky he doesn't like to be dirty. LOL
There's a period of time from about 12 months to 3ish where you just have compatible families over or get a babysitter.
I'm fuzzy on the exact ages but am proof that YOU CAN GO OUT AGAIN!
Is it bad my 8 year old still uses his hands to eat? I think he gets it from his father's side of the family.
I really wouldn't worry about him not using utensils, it's still way to early in my O.
Totally normal. Two is still little. I have a three year-old who still needs to be fed sometimes because he won't take the time to eat himself.
I'm with Anne, you just have to have friends over or get a babysitter. You and the hubs deserve a night out together anyway I'm sure.
Normal normal normal!
At this age, too - they use mealtimes as control (believe me I've been here many times) so I pick my battles - I'm all about my daughter getting some healthy food into her at all, I'm less fussy about the method she chooses to eat, for now.
We reinforce good table manners - and are consistent in modeling the right manners, but I'm not going to force her to comply just yet - it's all a learning curve, and a long one at that.
I have a feeling that people who make comments like 'children who are taught correctly will behave correctly in public blah blah blah' either have not yet experienced what it is to have a defiant toddler, or have done so long ago and so the memories are not just as fresh.
My 3 boyz have the WORST table etiquette, I swear. There are burps, farts, spills, tears, you name it. It's annoying, but I just chalk it up to their ages.
And no, we NEVER go out to eat with them. NEVER.
My eating out tip is to TIP! Tip in proportion to the mess. Also, it helps to invite friends who have no kids. They don't tire out from picking up the same spoon/toy/french fry countless times. Of course you would never tell them that's why they're invited!
We "try" to go out to eat with our 18 month old once in a while. Sometimes it's a hit and other times a miss. It's a risk we take. And some days we can tell it's not worth the risk. We go out to eat WAY less than if he wasn't with us. One thing that we're lucky about is this kid LOVES to eat. He'll try just about anything. And he loves "using" a spoon and fork. But sometimes that's a downfall too and leads to more arguments. Ahh, parenthood. Lovely, huh?
Oh, yeah. My son is almost 2.5 and he uses utensils only sporadically. Hell, my daughter is 5.5 and lately she has completely forgotten to use a napkin. I constantly catch her wiping her mouth with her shirt!
Fa is almost 4. She uses her clean hands to eat the small variety of foods she likes. She sometimes tires a fork. What ever.
She eats. Healthy. And I don't have to feed her.
And. She behaves for the most part in public eating outings...
If she doesn't..we leave or I take her outside to chat..>She usually wises up after that...But she'll still eat with her hands.
Am I babbling?
My kids are generally neat eaters. I know, disgusting. But I'm grateful for this. But, until recently with eClaire and until BC was around 18 months old, I'd give them one piece of food at a time.
But the thing that I did that I assume most moms don't do is I gave my kids forks fairly early on. I'd use the plastic forks or lightweight metal ones. But the kids learned to eat with a fork first, not a spoon. The spoon thing was just too hard to manage for me. :-)
Yes, normal. Normal, normal, normal. Good grief, busy-body people. Trying to make me feel all guilty 'cause my kid is a fright at the dinner table!
One tip that worked for my kids-- that my pediatrician actually suggested--is I gave them a fork instead of a spoon. It's easier for them at that age to "stab" the food than scoop it. But you have to watch them carefully, obviously. Even those blunt toddler forks can be pretty scary weapons in some of our 2-year old's hands!
We try to pick family-friendly restaurants where the other diners are all struggling-with-their-kids-manners parents too, and the wait-staff pretty much know they'll have a big ol' mess to clean up when we leave (although we're usually courteous and clean up the bigger chunks for them).
Anyway, how are they going to learn good public table manners if you never take them out in public--is my personal philosophy. And I have found that usually my kids behave better in restaurants than at home (same as behaving like an angel at the sitter's while the devil-incarnate at home, I guess).
Can't guarantee this for all, obviously. There are some 2-year olds that will BE 2-year olds right until they are FIVE--and you'll just have to get a sitter and escape for that much needed night-out until they finally reach TWENTY and can be trusted out in public!
I don't have kids, so I can't answer with certainty.
However, it certainly seems "normal" for a 2-year-old, in my humble opinion.
He's 2. Seriously. What can you expect? Not much really. My 3 almost 4 year old still has temper tantrums in public (not often but still) and I remind myself. He's 3.
If he's 7 and still doing it, I might be concerned but he's 2. Don't sweat it.
Normal, normal and totally more normal than normal.
And if it makes you feel any better, The Poo will be three in December and she just really started using a fork on a regular basis.
And we didn't eat out for, like, eight months. Unless it was a Culver's-type place.
I missed restaurants! Then one day, the kid just turned a corner, and now we eat out way too much.
Can I say it again? Normal.
Its completly normal!! When my son was 6 or 7 he run a couple out of Dairy Queen, he was burping and farting and these poor people left the food sitting on their table and left the building!!! When we left they were outside, I can only assume they went back and finished their meal without my son's "musical"!!!!
Yep. I totally agree with everyone else.
Angry Toddler turned 2 in May. He has not been good at restaurants since April or so. We even tried taking him to the kid-friendly places (Rainforest Cafe), in our town. We lock him down into the high chair and everything. He turns into the exorcist. Screaming and throwing food. I get anxiety, start sweating, and husband and I leave. Then we have the conversation in the car, what the heck were we thinking?
We just don't go out that much anymore. We do alot of call ahead ordering and take out. Or we cook at home. This is the same family that used to eat out 3-5 times pr week.
I know it's a phase, but it will drive you crazy. Why can't we be like normal people and go out to a restaurant like a decent family. Nope..
I hope someday, we can return to normal life.
My thoughts are with you!
Normal...my punkinhead is 4 and still alternates with fork and hands. The latter being his preferred method. Because it is an attention getter, mostly.
Cordy is nearly 3, and still won't use utensils. She also now sits under the table for the first 15-20 minutes whenever we go out to eat.
We prefer only finger foods when we eat out. It's easier, since we don't have to feed her all the time.
When Crusher was her age we 100% stopped eating out because it wasn't fun for us, for them, or anyone with 3 miles of the restaurant. We just started going out to eat again and for awhile we would call ahead to get the food to go then eat it there so it'd be ready when we got there (casual deli near our house). Bam Bam's two this month, but unlike her brother, she sits.
They're all different. It is SOO not you. Don't get me started on the woman who blames parents if 2 yo don't act well in public. OY!!!
You cannot predict how kids are going to act, especially when they’re not even school aged yet. Case in point: I have had 2 very nearly a-bomb type meals at restaurants with Sacha, but also 3 amazing meals with him, and all of these occurred in the same three weeks.
So poo on anyone who thinks that kids who behave at home will behave in public. Poo poo!
I have some bad news...my eldest was ALWAYS a pig. Seriously, I never understood it. To this day (she is 15) still a sloppy eater, runs into things, dribbles, etc. My 3 year old is neater. Here is the catch. One day about a year ago, my daughter was taunted by a "hockey boy" (socially like a Kennedy in her circle) about her eating. She now eats at least in public like she was trained for the cotillion. Good Luck. Someday, a lovely young lady may do you a similar favor.
There is no way to predict what's going to happen. Super B might be the most angelic child at home, but put him in a restauarant with an "audience", he's more likely to act like he was raised by a pack of friggin wolves.
That's why God created laughter. I'm convinced that there's nothing better to do in situations like that....
My 1st one: great at restaurants.
My 2nd one: um, we are the family everyone stares at...
But, I will say, once in a very, very, very rare while, he will surprise us...
I think if you take them to a really noisy "kid" restaurant, no one has the right to complain about the way the kids are acting - we're all trying our best - and it's not fine dining at Red Robin.
Oh my God! Again, I am SO with you! My almost 2-year-old is the SAME way. We DON'T take him out in public because it is so stressful. My kitchen is a disgrace because of him. I just get so sick of cleaning the table, the floor, and him off EVERY single day at least 3 times a day. I just don't know what to do. Are we not buckling down enough? I'll be reading these comments looking for some useful advice,that's for sure.
My girls eat like Neanderthals! Of course I encourage using their utensils at every meal and usually remind them twenty times during the meal, but kids will be kids. I think gradually they will use the fork and spoon more often and we will laugh at these "manners"....I hope :)
Might I suggest ordering Finger Foods? :) fries, nuggets, etc? :)
and yeah, he's normal - FOR HIm - which is really all you need to worry about.
Definitely normal almost two-year-old behavior, nothing to worry about on that front.
But who are these people who say that children who behave well at home also behave well in restaurants? I'd like to have a word with them, please.
Assvice: Take your children out to eat often. The rules can be different in a restaurant, restaurants require things like napkins and sitting still. The kids don't have to get it right all the time (best to take them to family friendly places to start), but if it's different enough, it won't feel the same as home and the "when we're out" manners will gradually be established.
I know this sounds kind of crazy, and I know not everyone can really do this, but Steve and I both worked in restaurants until very recently, and it worked for us. The girl's at-home manners are not nearly as good as their restaurant manners.
Oh my goodness, if he were FOUR I might be a little concerned... BUt he isn't even two yet. It WILL get better! I promise.
well, you've already gotten tons of advice.... so the advice from a not-yet parent may not mean much to you.
however, my hubby and i talk about this everytime we go to a restaurant and see kids- the good & the bad.
our thought is: if you do go, go w/ an open mind. meaning: know that one of you may need to leave w/ your child until he settles down, or the other pays the bill.
i think it's normal for a 2 year old to be testing boundaries and learning about utensils & manners and such.
it doesn't make you one of "those" moms. it's definitely not easy----we've ALL seen children in public who are angels, and less than so.
just keep on keepin' on, and over time, i'm sure your darling will grow into a well-mannered child.
We eat out. We ignore the stares.
I figure, if we're at a family restaurant, it's okay. No way I would take the kids anywhere nice. We go to the same places often enough that they know us there so that helps.
Oh, and we always clean the floor before we leave (hello! Cheerios everywhere!) or leave a giant tip.
Took my son longer than I thought it should have but he eventually did learn.
I don't really have a messy kid, at least not when it comes to eating, so I can't help you so much there. If he was ever terribly messy I would pick up the floor a little or leave a bigger tip.
Sounds like yours is normal and he will learn eventually. No big deal.
Of course he's normal. I mean, he DOES have you for a mother and I've seen how you eat. ohmygawd. He's doing awesome!
bwahahaha!
(you know I say that with lots of kisses)
He's perfectly normal. Other people are just pompous asses.
And I still don't enjoy eating out!
OMG! Very normal for a 2! I used to go nuts if Anna ate messy and hubby would remind me that somehow she would still get to college despite her messy hands. So with Sophie I try good manners, but don't sweat the small stuff or in this case the messy stuff.
Princess H is almost two and she thinks her hair is her canvas. I disagree totally about the kids only acting up if they aren't taught to act right at home. Z is alomost 5 and he ALWAYS loses his freakin mind when we go out to eat. but we still go, because this is america. lol
Damn it! I'm late for the assvice party. Sorry, I have none. The girl has usually been quite well behaved in restaurants (sorry), but I fear the day the boy turns one. I forsee a restaurantless future (for a few years anyway). And yes, your boy sounds completely normal.
normal Normal NORMAL! Somewhere between 2 and 3 we stopped taking CJ to restaurants. Then somewhere after three we started again and all was well. It's a phase. A miserable phase, but it passes.
Trust me, he is normal. I take my trio to restaurants and then pretend I don't know them when they dump 700 napkins on the floor after soaking them in milk or water! .. and I take them alone. (sometimes when I have brain farts.) They'll grow up and I truly believe that they'll do just fine before kindergarten ... it not, it will be the teacher instead of me cleaning it up. ha~
Tanya
Look at the post above this. That is so weird. I typed that post and it's not me ... talk about a blogger fart!
Tanya
What's "normal"-- he!
I say keep trying and keep a sense of humor about it. Like with anything, he probably just needs more practice :-)
My 17 month old kid is nuts at home. Yogurt in the hair, peas on the floor, pb on his shirt... yeah! I hear ya!
So, I just limit the messy food he gets when we're out and stick with stuff that can be picked up/brushed off easier.
I also limit how much food I give him at a time. I noticed that my son gets overwhelmed when there's too much in front of him, whereas when I potion it out and give him a little at a time, he does perfectly fine.
Good luck and remember, you're not the only one and if someone wants to spout on about their "perfect kids", you can kick them for me. hehe
I guess we've been lucky with Tim, he eats with a fork or spoon (sue, causing a mess with dropping some food every now and than).
My advise is praise him when he uses a fork or spoon or eats neatly, and totally ignore it when he's throwing food or being messy. It worked for us!
And it's NEVER a guarantee that your kid will behave in a restaurant. Tim eats neatly but screams really loud.
Good luck!
So what's the theory then for kids who behave in public but are brats at home? That would be mine. We go to mass and dinner every Sat and our kids are pretty civil. I've mastered giving them the hairy eyeball when they start acting up. I don't expect them to use silverware or not get food on the floor until they are about three. That's what kids do. I just clean up the floor before we leave and a fat tip on the table.
I don't know what is normal but can tell you what my almost 2 year old does ... he likes to wave forks and spoons around and then drop them behind his head onto the floor ... you see, if he tried to drop them in front, mommy would catch them ... he also likes to try to balance his sippy cup on his mouth with his head leaned back --- like a seal with a ball ... do I encourage this, nope ... do I reprimand him and take the drink away, yes ... does he continue to do it, yep ... oh, and about his behavior in public, it's oftentimes better than at home because all of the people and activity distracts him from trying to drive me bananas ... and a real-life super smart psychiatrist with 3 grown - and successful kids - told me that it's ridiculous to fight with your kids over table manners when they're so young ... that they will outgrow the behaviors --- let's face it, how many 30 year olds do you see at el chico throwing chips on the floor and saying, sorry, I was never taught table manners ... ashley
OH, it's TOTALLY normal. When I was nannying, one mom of a two year old would literally bring me a smock to put on her daughter (named Ella!) for feeding.
In the year before my (quite possibly indefinite) maternity leave, I was taking care of five different toddlers, and they were ALL super messy.
It ain't no thing, mama. And tell the haters to shove it.
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