Stars Fell On: Things I've Heard in Alabama

Another damn disclaimer: Anything I say in this post is not, I repeat IS NOT, a criticism of Alabama or the South in general. It is different to me because this was not how I was brought up.

Part 1 of the story is here. Part 2 of the story is here. Part 3 of the story is here.

As a native Midwesterner, moving to Alabama has been a bit of a culture shock. Having lived in Knoxville, TN for several years, I'd had a taste of Southern culture. However, this is the Deep South and it's different from anywhere I've ever been.

When you first meet most people here in the South, the first question they ask you is, "Where do you go to church?" I've come to realize that this isn't meant to be a rude question, since this is NOT something you'd ask someone back home. People are generally just trying to be friendly and if you say you don't have a church home, they invite you to attend their church. This has become less and less awkward as time has passed and I've learned to tell people that we attend church at St. Notgoingtosaytherealname Church (which isn't a lie exactly, we do occasionally attend).

As for church, it is a way of life here. People speak openly of being "blessed." Many stores and even some restaurants aren't open on Sundays. Not to insinuate that we Midwesterners are heathens by any stretch of the imagination, it's just that our entire lives do not revolve around church. I definitely think that this has been a factor in our difficulty making friends here in Alabama.

Another thing that I've learned is the way to properly address adults. Titles such as Sir, Ma'am, and Miss are expected, most especially when it's a child addressing the adult. I often forget to say these things myself, so I worry that my kids will be outcasts if I don't teach them the proper Southern way to address adults. I grew up calling acquaintances of my parents either Mr/Mrs. Lastname or by their first names. It's custom here for children to call their parent's friends Miss Firstname. Since it isn't something I expect, it always seems odd when I'm addressed as Miss Jennifer.

One of my favorite Southern sayings is "bless her/his/your heart." It's the Southern way of getting away with talking about someone behind their back. If you want to talk about your neighbor who is cuh-razy and going through a nasty divorce with her beer swigging husband, you are absolved of any wrongdoing if when you're gossiping about her you end your sentence with, "bless her heart."

I've learned that the cart in the grocery store is called a buggy. Lunch is called dinner and dinner is called supper. Instead of saying "alright then" people say "aight den." I know there are many, many more but I'm having trouble thinking of anymore.

To end this post, I'd like to leave you with several sayings Tate has heard at work that make me laugh my ass off. These certainly aren't things most Alabamans say, but I'm including them here since I've never heard them outside of Alabama. Hope you enjoy.

Doesn't that make you so mad that it makes you want to spit chicken shit out your teeth?

Looks like you brushed your hair with a firecracker this morning.

I need your help like a dead man needs a coffin.

How you feeling today? Like I've been ironing in high heels all day.

When referring to a tall woman...Looks like she could stand flat-footed and shit in a dump truck.

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Thanks for your well wishes yesterday. "Installation" of the Mirena went well. If you would like more details, just email me, mkay?