TGIM…Maybe His Brain Will Return

Conversations between a Husband and Wife
**Now new and improved!! With added private thoughts thrown in!!

Conversation #1
Husband (on the phone with Cousin): "So when is your wedding? June? We'll do everything we can to be there, man!"
Wife: (who is set to deliver Baby in May) "I don't think we'll be able to go to Illinois for their wedding in June!"
Husband: "The baby will be three months old…it'll be fine."
Wife: Are you effing kidding me? THREE months old in June? "Baby will be less than a month old in June."
Husband: "Huh?"

Conversation #2
Several months ago…
Wife: "Do you know where your identify theft file is? I've never known where you've kept it and there's a few things that need to be filed."
Husband: "Of course I know where it is."

Fast forward to this past weekend…
Husband: "Where is my identity theft folder?"
Wife: Are you effing kidding me? "No, I told you a while ago that I didn't know where it was."
Husband: "Oh come on! That is not true. I don't remember you EVER saying that. I don't KNOW where it is."
Wife: I'm going to strangle you. "Well, I guess it's just lost then."
Husband: "Fine don't help me find it. Keep typing away on the computer like you always do."
Wife: Seriously, I'm going to strangle you.

Conversation #3
Heard after Superbowl Party where Wife chased Son around non-childproofed home while everyone else sat on patio drinking beer and eating.
Husband: "So, did you have a good time?"
Wife: "Yeah…it was…great. Wish I would've gotten to eat more than chips."
Husband: "I'm so full, I hurt myself. That food was awesome…you should have tried some."
Wife: "Yeah, too bad I was chasing Peanut around by myself, no chance to eat." Asshole.

Conversation #4
Wife: "I have a horrible headache, I don't feel well at all. Son has had a rough day, he's whined and made noise ALL DAY LONG."
Husband: "Come on Son, let's go play in the playroom and give Mommy a break."
Wife: Wow! That's sweet. Very thoughtful.

Overheard in playroom…
Husband: (while singing into Elmo microphone toy) "La, la, la, la, La, la, la, la, Elmo's world…. La, la, la, la, La, la, la, la, Elmo's world…."
Wife: Nevermind, not sweet. Sounds like a lobotomized monkey singing. "Uh, Husband, could you play with something else."
Husband: "Oh, is that making too much noise?"

Thank God it's Monday. The brain matter left in his hard hat on Friday will hopefully return to it's original, intended location.