Liar, Liar Pants on Fire
It isn't something I thought about. I didn't plan it. But I've recently become a liar.
Well, maybe calling myself a liar is a bit harsh. How about fibber? Does that sound better? But "lying" or "fibbing" has become a necessity in making my life a little less screamed filled.
I've been lying to Peanut. These lies have really been flowing oh so easily that I surprise myself with some of the doozies I've come up with.
When I turn off the computer or the TV, I tell Peanut that they have gone "night, night" and they are taking a nap. I also sometimes tell him that the computer is broken and that's why we can't play "mo mo" (Elmo).
I often say that the cookies are all gone. He's gotta know I'm lying seeing as we have a giant jar of animal cookies from Sam's in the pantry.
I don't know if this fits into the category of lying, but I hide the books that I CANNOT READ ONE MORE TIME BECAUSE I'VE ALREADY READ IT 20 TIMES IN A ROW! I continually hide "Freight Train", "Tootle", "The Fire Engine Book", and "Mighty Movers, Farm"
When I want to redirect him from splashing (or drinking) in the dog water bowl or stop him from messing with the knobs on the stereo, I tell him that I need help finding the bathroom. He loves to take me by the finger and take me to the potty.
I tell him that I can't find the bubbles when I'm too tired to go outside.
I also tell him that his baby sister is growing in Mommy's tummy which isn't a lie at all, but to a sixteen month old it must seem implausible. It's even slightly implausible to me, too, and I feel her moving around all the time.
I know I can't get away with all this lying for long. In fact, I don't plan on using lying as he gets older. And, he's going to be wise to my wily ways soon. So what lies do you tell your children to keep the peace and your sanity?
By the way, I'm hiding my Mommy of the Year Crown. I know "they" are coming to get it and I'm NOT GIVING IT UP.


10 People are even more brilliant:
I love the 'can't find the potty' fib. haha! That is hilarious and a very ingenious lie.
What do I lie about? hmmmm...I'll have to think on it because I'm sure I did with Parker. Payton was born way smarter than me and I could never lie well enough to fool him.
Now that they are older and can occupy themselves for a half an hour on a Sunday afternoon, dh and I will lie about taking a nap during the day. We may be in our room but we aren't sleeping. hehe.
Hahaha..yeah, hubby and I 'nap' or 'have talks' on weekends a bit too.
As for the lies, I try to tell the boys we are out of bubbles, and finally had to hide them because Brendan would insist I open the closet and he shows me where they are. Smart little shit.
I totally lie and say that the 2 huge bags of Starburst that Grandma bought (because we know SHE won't be paying those future dental bills now, don't we???) are already all gone....when in fact they're in the copy room at my work being scarfed down by my co-workers (umm....and me).
I wouldn't call it "lying," I'd call it "simplifying." The cookies aren't truly gone, but they are gone for the purposes of this discussion. The computer is not truly broken, but it will be if we have to see Elmo one more time, because I will Lose It. Those concepts are too difficult for children to understand, and so we, you know, SIMPLIFY.
Definitely I hide books I can't stand anymore. I also say, "Oh, no, these aren't for children, these are only for grown-ups"--in the same tone of voice I'd use if I was talking about vodka--when the children want to share my Dove chocolates.
I love it!
Oh yes...we "hide" the books we just can't possible read one more time. And many times "Daddy needs help in the bathroom taking a shower." The door locks, what can I say?
I love Swistle's explanation. We are defnitely going to "simplify" around here from now on.
My 5yr. old just asked me the other day if there was a difference b/t lying and joking? wonder why--hmm? I always tell my 2yr. old (who begs me regularly for "junk") that my snickers bar I am shoving down my throat at the sink is "healthy,mommy food" and that "it's yucky"--love your blog by the way--i think we'd be friends if i knew you :)
Loved this. My pants are on fire too!
I can't tell you how many things in this house have even broken, "closed", or just plain disappeared.
Now that mine are 3 & 5, I send them on wild goose chases...LOL..."go find me your blue shoes in your room..." Knowing exactly where they are, and that is on the other end of the house! Hey--it buys five minutes...ten on a good day!
Girl, let me tell you about the saddest day of my life...the one where I could no longer pass off crappy animal crackers as "cookies" and I had to give my kids the good stuff...you know Oreos, Nutter Butters. It sucks when they get onto your games...
We told our daughter that our toilet was broken so that she would use her own in the middle of the night instead of coming in to wake us up to tell us that she had to go. That dang toilet's been broke for two weeks now! ;)
Oh yeah, everything and everyone goes night night when WonderBaby does.. or when the TV needs to be turned off.
Don't worry. I'm sure Peanut will take after mommy and come up with some good ones of his own in the next ten years. :P
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