Getting All Meta-Bloggy on Your Ass
Ahh, the blogging brain never stops. If I'm not thinking about blogging topics, I'm thinking about blogging. I blame all of you, blogging friends, for your amazing posts that start my wheels spinning.
Yesterday, I was yet again inspired to think about this blogosphere where we co-habitate. Kristen at Motherhood Uncensored wrote this post about commenters, regret and blogging about one's family. Really, for this post to make any sense at all, I'd highly encourage you to actually click on the link and read the comments.
From my perspective, Kristen, according to yesterday's post, does not regret her posts. She does seem somewhat irritated by certain, judgemental comments about her choices.
There were several comments yesterday that booed Kristen and her "airing of dirty laundry." One of the commenters yesterday was quite adamant about a change Kristen made to her blog, the removal of her picture. This commenter asked (in a confrontational way, in my opinion) on several different occasions why she'd removed the picture.
Feeling a bit obnoxious yesterday, I left my own comment in defense of Kristen. (No, she doesn't need BIG, BAD Jennifer coming to her rescue!) I was so irritated by this other commenter, that I called her comments "asshat comments".
Now I'm feeling a small amount of regret.
This is not the type of commenter or blogging citizen I want to be. To this point, I have not ever purposely left a comment where I blatantly disagreed with the author of the post. I have, however, defended an author by leaving a comment that directly puts down the naysayers.
I posted a few weeks ago about my feelings about the type of citizen I am in the blogsophere. In this post, I stated that due to the nature of the anonymity in blogging, sometimes one may feel more free to say things they wouldn't say face-to-face. Maybe this is exactly what I did when I called out this commenter.
Don't get me wrong, I'm only feeling a small amount of regret. I still would have commented in defense of Kristen. However, I'd have left that commenter's name out so as not to appear to be name-calling.
Personally, I've received a few comments that made me think "shut up, you don't know what the hell you're talking about." Do I think that we should go around this blogosphere only leaving comments that offer a "swell job" and a pat on the back? Well, yes, kind of. In the perfect, happy, we all shit rose scented butterflies world this is what we would do. On the other hand, there is nothing necessarily wrong with a little debate. As long as the debate stays above the belt, minus name calling and overt judgement.
Here's of few blogging questions for you...Have you ever received brutal, shit-stirring comments? If so, how did you handle them? Have you ever left a less than kind comment yourself and if so did you regret it? What would it take for you to delete a comment on your site?
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18 People are even more brilliant:
I don't ever want to offend anyone. But sometimes written words don't read the same as the way you feel. I always make sure to leave my opinions where they make sense...I hate debate. Always have and always will. I try to be nice. If I have nothing nice to say..I don't say it at all..
I have received some weird comments here and there, but I ignore them and they usually go away.
But like I said. I hate debate.
As I say on the first page of my blog:
"...It is one thing to give constructive critism. It is one thing to offer an opinion. It is quite another to be downright mean and rude. If you are mean and rude…your comment will be deleted. ..."
I am relatively new to the stuff so I have yet to have "bad" comments...but I can say that if I felt something was totally un-called for then I would in fact delete it...that is when my above rule applies.
No, it shouldn't all be happy go lucky comments, but you don't have to be mean and rude to the blogger either. If you can't say it in a constructive way or offer an opinion without being a jerkface then don't leave a comment.
JMHO
I have never left a nasty comment, but I do watch myself very closely. There are times that I have come up with some brilliant comment, and in my head I am laughing at the sarcasm. Then, I type it out and read it and think whoa, that doesn't sound anything like what I want it to.
I have never had any nasty comments left but if (and when) I do, I'll just ignore them. Besides, you know what they compare opinions too, right?
What's that saying about a rose by any other name??
Some people are just assholes but is it always wrong to say, "hey, you're an ass."? No, not always. But I too have experienced the call-it-like-it-is remorse. True assholes are usually in so much denial of their ass-ness that it doesn't do any good to clue them in. I'm trying to accept the reality of the denial but certainly am not perfect with it.
I'm too new to the blogosphere to have received any shit-stirring comments, so I dunno what I'll do if and when I do.
But i have lots of experience with them on the playgroup board. And you know first hand how I've reacted to some of those. haha!
Have you ever received brutal, shit-stirring comments?
Sure I have. That's the only reason I know about this blog! :P
(Actually, I haven't. Feel free to start some.)
I think I might delete a comment that came from someone who was (1) not a regular commenter, and (2) pretty clearly just trying to piss people off, and being really rude or vulgar in the process.
I haven't had to delete any comments on my blog yet (except for a couple of spam comments, which don't count), but my blog is still young.
I think it's weird when people keep reading and commenting on a blog they clearly hate and disagree with. It's like they make a hobby out of being pissed off, and out of pissing other people off.
I have found myself defending a blogger or two in their comments because of other idiotic people who really don't think before they type - they forget that the idea of a blog is usually for the BLOGGER's sake, not the commenter's. As for my own blogs, I've not had any obnoxious comments yet - I have, however, gone and followed a link to one of my blogs where the blog owner trashed my blog... and that pissed me off and I wrote a responding comment basically saying what the hell makes *you* so superior?
I wouldn't delete the comment unless it was really offensive, though... I think that's what your question was lol
I had a commenter practically humping my leg and all of my real friend wondering who my stalker was. I finally nipped it in the bud, and not nicely. But I did apoligize and she's now gone to commenting once a month or so. Small price to pay for peace and quite in blogland.
I don't think I've ever got a 'nasty' comment, but I've certainly got comments that have hurt my feelings. Which, one could say is silly but last time I checked, I've been hurt more with words than I ever have been with a stick. Or a stone. (Because really, who throws sticks at people?)
the advent of technology removed a lot of social boundaries. like feeling shame or regret over a hasty comment. these feelings are ment to cause emmotion in us, but being hidden behind computer screens we avoid them.
i've never removed a comment from my blog. and i've never regreted anything that i've said. because in the moment those were my true thoughts.
I've gotten my feelings hurt over a few comments. Looking back, though, my choices had been poor choices, so I was totally deserving (not that it makes it any easier).
I like Motherhood Uncensored, but Kristen IS living in their house, so I do feel like she's disrespecting them... I feel like they're owed a little respect for that, even though they're nuts. Now, if she was living on her own...that's a different story!
Would I make that judgement on her blog? No (instead, I make it on yours), I like that fact that I don't agree with everyone and their choices (just like everyone is not going to agree with me and my choices)....that's what makes us all different, and it makes for interesting reading!
Sorry for the book.
Ok, I feel bad already for talking about K behind her back. I should have directed that comment to her, if I was going to say it.
I apologize!
I appreciated it Jennifer. I have a strict NO FEED THE TROLLS policy on my own blog, but I feel free to rip them to shreds on others' blogs and am glad when others do the same on mine :)
No really, I don't delete unless it's personally offensive. For the most part, it's funny to leave up those ridiculous comments because then smart people like you get to give them a spanking.
I think there's always been this notion that mombloggers are in defense of each other no matter what and that we never disagree. I find this to be terribly wrong -- I do think that if we disagree, we just do it with civility. Nothing wrong with that.
I do not blast other bloggers on my blog nor will I acknowledge people who blast me (oh, there have been some doozies). I just try to live by Mrs. Kennedy's rule -- Writing well is the best revenge.
It's our perogative to control our comments. I used to just delete anything that was mean or trollish. And in fact, the one troll on mine was responding to a reply I put up to her, which I later deleted (my own comment).
Sigh. I have now officially taken over your comment section. WOOHOO!
btw - great post :)
I think it's always okay to disagree with the blog author. How you present your disagreement is what matters. I can handle people disagreeing with me, just don't be an a$s about it. But that's my take on real-life encounters too.
Being very new to blogging (writing, not reading), I haven't yet encountered this issue first hand. But I'm sure when it happens to me, I'll blog about it.
It's a sordid world we live in, eh?
I've never had a real troll. But I'm still waiting.
Well, i haven't been blogging long enough to have that many readers (oh, maybe 3 or 4) so not yet!!! But there was a time when I was on a message board, (discussion board) and I was jumped on severely. I stopped going there. It was horrible.
I have only had to delete one comment when I posted about my sister's visit home from Iraq and I had put up a picture of her being silly and pretending to be a pole dancer, I did not see her boob falling out of her shirt. This person brought it to my attention in a oh so perverted way do *bam* the pic and his/her comment was deleted.
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