Yet Another Reason I Should Be Seeing a Therapist
Not only do I have issues with holding grudges and assertiveness, I also have MAJOR control issues.
See, I lurve being in control.
I'm incredibly bossy. And I know the right way to do just about everything. Just ask me, I'll tell you.
Here's the problem. I'm going to be having a baby, like soon, and there are going to be people in my house. They are going to be here to help. I'm not sure as to how I'm going to relinquish control.
Although, I've confessed about my weak housekeeping skills, I am actually quite particular about how my home is organized.
Here's just a wee glimmer into my sick mind.
I'm very picky about how my laundry is folded. I have a specific way that I like for my T-shirts to be folded because they fit better in my closet when folded correctly. There is a right way for my dish towels to be folded, if they're not they won't fit in the drawer.
I hate when other people put my dishes away. Tupperware, pots and pans must be properly nested or they won't fit in their designated spaces. There are VERY SPECIFIC locations for most of the kitchen items due to the fact that there is very little room and everything has it's place in order for it to fit.
It drives me absolutely insane when people use my decent dish towels to clean up gross, icky messes. I have towels especially for these types of tasks. USE THEM!
I like for my pantry to be organized. Not Sleeping With the Enemy organized, but there is a place for everything. Cans belong on one shelf (actually on two different shelves to help evenly distribute the weight). Boxed items belong on another shelf. Things that are associated with baking have their own area. Paper and plastic items belong on the top shelf. The floor of the pantry houses the crock pot, toaster oven, iced-tea maker, paper towels, and wine. These must be placed in a certain pattern or the door won't shut.
When making the bed, I like for a certain amount of the blanket and sheet to hang over the foot of the bed so that it will tuck in properly.
I like for my bath towels to be folded in just the right way, which is my way.
Peanut's clothes are organized by size. There are several items of clothing in his drawers that don't fit him yet. They are in the back of the drawer. Current clothing is in the front of the drawer.
There is only one sippy cup that I allow Peanut to have while riding in the car. And only milk is allowed in the car. I don't need to be searching for mystery odors as a result of a funky, chunky forgotten milk cup.
I'm very, very sick. I know. How do I give up these ridiculous control issues? When this baby is born, not only am I going to have to deal with my "issues", I'm going to be wacko from all the hormones. I'm apt to go ape shit over some pretty petty stuff. There are going to be lots of visitors whose sole purpose is to help. I'm already grateful. I just hope that I can let go. Let the dish towels run amok. Allow Peanut to wear clothes that are too big. Sleep in a improperly made bed. Sorry, I can't help it.
Labels:
confession,
Quirky Me
30 People are even more brilliant:
Oh boy, I could have written your post (although not as amusingly nor as eloquently). I wish I could help out, but have you noticed my name? There's a big reason for it. :)
In all seriousness, this does not mean you definitely need a therapist. All moms have a certain way of doing things, and various reasons for doing them in their own way (habit/better fit in a tiny kitchen, etc) I am no housekeeper, but I still shudder to think of what our house would look like if we used my husband's 'system' of doing things.
Your raging pregnancy hormones and anxiety surrounding your growing family are probably not helping matters any. If you are really concerned, a chat with your OB would be the best place to start.
{hugs}
Whoa girl. I knew you were a bit of a control freak like me, but you got me beat!
You know, this could be a benefit of breastfeeding. Do you remember, upon let down, that ultimate feeling of relaxation? Man, that hormone was better than any pill...at least once you get past the learning stage.
Also, you might be too tired from caring for two babies, that you just don't give a shit. It's possible. Having two kids can do it to you.
And if all else fails, call on me and you can boss me 'til the cows come home. I will restack the tupperware, refold the towels, wash the improperly used dish towels and set everything aright. And I won't take it personally either. Because we are so BFF and I will be afraid of your raging hormones.
Don't stress so! It will be ok. People will only be futzing with your stuff for a couple of weeks (I'm guessing). And Heather is right, you are going to be so busy with the babes, you really won't care.
Don't believe me? Come look at the mess that is my home. Cam is 8 weeks old and it looks like Hurricane Katrina just blew through my house...
And I didn't even have other people messing up my stuff! It was all us... too tired to put stuff up properly!
So take heart... you can make it through the chaos! I promise!
I can relate to your "craziness". I also feel like there is a certain way that each thing needs to be done/place that something goes, although many days I just don't have the energy to follow through- but it still bugs me.
Just (try) to remember that you'll only have help for a little while and you can always go back and "fix" everything when they leave.
I used to be like that and I agree with everyone else, you will be too busy/tired to even worry about it. Just relax and enjoy the help while you have it. Once everyone gets out of your house, you can get settled into a new normal.
I'm pregnant with baby #5 and I am too tired to fold the laundry properly (meaning my way), but I will do it anyway when or else I'd go crazy. That's funny from someone who is a horrible housekeeper like myself, but it's true. I told people they could be most helpful by watching the kids while I folded the clothes and put them away properly. Let them cook dinner, then watch the kids while you put the dishes away. That way they're still helping and you are maintaining the little sanity the kids leave moms with.
Keep having babies. The more I had the less I cared about keeping things the way I used to like them.
I am the same way! (Well, you might be a little over the top. Lol.) I was worried about that, too, when MIL and my mom came to help me. Some issues I retained control of (like laundry) and some issues I let go. (Like MIL unloading the dishwasher and putting stuff in crazy places.) After a few months of just not caring enough that things were in stupid places, I finally got an afternoon to rearrange and put things back in order. I really think that you'll end up with some give and take. Just remember that things won't be out of place forever. And in many ways, letting go can be so freeing. (That's not really a word, but I'm too tired to be articulate.)I guess what I'm trying to say is that I thought I would be really annoyed by people "helping," but when the time came, I was too focused on trying to make breastfeeding work and too engrossed on getting to know my baby to actually care. I hope the same goes for you!
There's a direct link between the number of kids you have and the less you give a shit....
With my 3 hellions, like I've said before, you could feed a small country with the remnants off my kitchen floor.
I'm just too tired to care anymore.
Hey, is that a poem?
I don't know exactly how you get past the bossiness and control issues, but what I can tell you is that I could have written this post myself. I think I am just like you!
I just hope after I have my baby I'll be so in love with him and probably so exhausted that I won't even notice if someone is doing something "wrong."
Just try and hold your tongue so you don't offend anyone... that's my goal!
1) I am exactly like you.
2) I don't think of it as crazy or controlling, I think of it as working out the best way / the way that works / the way that makes the most sense. (Using good dishtowels for messes doesn't make sense. Dressing children in too-big clothes doesn't make sense.)
3) I'm on kid #5 and have gotten only a little bit less adamant about these things.
When my MIL visited, she tried to "help" by doing the laundry. She was folding underwear (I like it flung in a drawer), folding shirts (the wrong way) that we hang up, hanging up shirts that we fold, folding jeans in fourths instead of thirds (which makes fat, tippy piles rather than smooth stacks that fit exactly on the shelf), etc. That wasn't helpful. That was the OPPOSITE of helpful. It seems like people wouldn't try to do other people's laundry, since everyone has their own way of dealing with it (right? RIGHT??).
But here's what you do. You breathe through it, and you feel grateful that we don't have these people in our houses all the time. You let them do it their way temporarily, knowing that when they leave you can put things back the way they were. Also, put away the good dishtowels for now.
I share your control issues. Just keep telling yourself they're trying to help, and you'll fix it all after they leave. Maybe you could get a like-minded friend or family member to "model" the "right" way to do things.
I feel the same way you do. Except I think that my need to control and not let anyone else help me comes from my need for people to not judge me.... If they wash my dishes, or mop my floor, I can only imagine what thy are thinking about my cleaning skills as they are doing it!
Ah. I'm a little bit like that too.
I so want to hug you and even french kiss you right now, that's how in love I am with your control issues...You know why?
I am that person too.....
Twins we are. You however, are brave enough to venture into second child-ness...I am stuck here at one.
POST ITS! Put post its everywhere and a warning that if it isn't done this way you cannot be responsible for your hormonal rage.
.."It drives me absolutely insane when people use my decent dish towels to clean up gross, icky messes. I have towels especially for these types of tasks. USE THEM!..."
ME TOO! And DH STILL does not understand that the WHITE towels are the icky messes only because I can BLEACH them to death!
First of all, you all f*cking rock! Thanks for all the kinds words and support and advice!
Secondly, Janet! Is it wrong that I feel all warm and excited inside after reading your comment?!
And the Post-it note idea...I may just have to use that!
Oh I know exactly what you are talking about. I have many things that I am very particular about (well..."particular" is putting it nicely!) lol.
Canned goods...oh don't mess those up! Just like in the movie with Julia Roberts...you said the name...now I can't remember it.
LOL been there done that...my MIL helped after our cecond, plus she helped pack the apartment up because we were moving...did I ever stress out! It will be okay...you are getting help and soon everyone will be gone and you can continue what you were doing!
Hugs
Everyone else has said it, but I'll say it, too. The more kids you have, the less you care about things.
I'm a control freak about where things go. When Gavin doesn't know where to put something (or find something) he asks himself, "Where would Shauna put this?" and he's usually right (good thing he knows me well...).
I hate it when people do things 'wrong' but I try to remind myself that they're reallly trying to help. And help will be welcomed as you adjust to life with 2.
And as Peanut (and Petunia) get older, you can teach them to put things away in the right place in the right way. Nicholas is always telling Gavin, "No, it doesn't go over there. It goes over here." *ahem* I've passed on my obesssion.
hi there! i just found you via a few other blogs i check out and i love your writing already.
ha, the sleeping with the enemy reference really cracked me up. im the same way about SO many things.
I was once like that. Not no damn more! Got me some 'happy' pills- and I AM much happier!
I'm with you on this one, too. My biggest issue with the people who came over to help after the baby was the loading of the dishwasher. I have perfected the system of loading our dishwasher to contain the maximum of dishes while still assuring that all get clean. It drove me crazy knowing that they were loading the dishwasher wrong (usually I re-load it if someone else has done it) and I wasn't even the one who unloaded it so it wasn't as if I had to witness the wrong-doing. Just knowing it was there was bad enough.
I don't think you need to see a therapist. Some of your "OCDs" were actually good ideas-- one milk cup (I like it!)
I also like to fold my clothes and dish/cleaning towels a certain way. But it's because I used to work for a department store.
Ditto what everyone else said. You will probably be so sleep deprived that you won't care how the dishes are put away. You may find that you are grateful for the help, no matter how 'bad' the help is.
I borrowed your library book site....its awesome! I was looking for something like that...
Hugs
I hear you. I am exactly the same as you about beds and cupboards and, well everything really. Everything must be "just so". It doesn't get done so often, but I still stress about it!
I can relate to your issues ... I have a particular way that I like particular things done at my house, and those thing apply to my lil' pumpkin too ... I'm not sure what suggestions you have so far but you could make a list of how you like things to be done (or come up with a list of things for others to do that don't matter) ... also, once the baby's here you can switch to some temporary fixes like paper plates, plastic silverware, and other things that can be thrown away ... and educate Tate about how important it is for him to humor you and do things the way you want them done, at least for a while. Overall, I think you'll be so overjoyed at having a newborn to get to know that many things (i.e. dishtowels) just won't matter so much anymore ... Ashley
You say all this like it's a bad thing.
Ditto
Ditto
Ditto
Ditto
Ditto
Ditto
Plus, I am a FREAK about how the dishwasher is loaded.
I've said this before, I think. We are twins, separated at birth.
My laundry room is a dusty, linty mess. My dishes are piled in the sink. My CLEAN fold-able clothes are piled HIGH in baskets waiting to be folded and rarely make it to be put away after getting folded. My bathroom mirror stays speckled with water spots (it's our modern art.) I kick my shoes off into a pile in my closet floor and leave them there.
But, girl! You should see my Gladware and Tupperware bowls and lids! They'd make Martha Stewart cry with pride.
It was really hard for me to accept the help I needed while pg and after Lucky's birth. 1st trimester migraines prepared me for letting others do stuff for me and for letting other load my dishwasher WRONG! (Amazingly, the dishes still got clean. Still trying to understand that one.) You should have SEEN the clothes The Mighty Hunter dressed Stinkerbell in while I sobered up from the narcotics the ER doc gave me! I now have her clothes grouped into actual OUTFITS.
Idiot-proofing. That's my term for it all.
You'll be fine and it will be great therapy for you. It'll be hell, but good for you too.
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