Crappy-Parents-R-Us
I'd like to think that Tate and I are above being manipulated by a 2 foot, 5 inch toddler. At an impressive 64 years between the two of us and the fact that we're parents (the most all-knowing of all beings, duh), I'd think that we could easily deflect his wily ways.
This is sadly not the case. Little Carson man has become a master manipulator. And we fall into his expertly woven trap every. single. time.
He's becoming especially efficient at stalling at nap time and bedtime. Before he will even consider going to bed, it has become absolutely necessary that all of his choo-choo trains, monster trucks, firetrucks, stuffed animals, or any other toy within his range of vision be put to sleep as well. This routine consists of lying each toy on it's side and Carson saying, "bye bye choo-choo train engine, bye bye blues clues fire engine, bye bye every last toy that he possesses!"
Somehow, we've lost all control of storytime before bedtime. We used to allow only 3 stories, but now storytime has somehow morphed into reading 8-9 books. Even though I put the rogue books back on his bookshelf everyday, at some point during the day, Carson returns the books to his nightstand, ready to be read that night. Rather than let his primal screams wake up Ella, we give in and read the disallowed books.
Not ready to leave wherever we are? No problem, Carson will just suddenly find the most minute grain of nothing on the floor and decide he must study it, demanding to show us this nothing. We feign interest just to hurry his ass along.
Not interested in eating what I cooked for dinner? Say "all done, all done, all done" until we can't take it anymore, give up, and let you down to play.
Not feeling like having your diaper changed? Simply ignore Mommy as she requests your presence on the floor. Continue to ignore until Mommy starts losing her patience and then, and only then, begin to laugh and run away. Mommy thinks to herself, "I shouldn't chase him, he wants me to chase him." And a chase ensues.
You want a package of fruit snacks right there in the middle of the grocery store, but we haven't paid yet? Just scream your head off until Mommy relents and lets you eat one (okay, two) packages in order to finish the shopping trip in relative peace.
Come on, you're super impressed with our parenting skillz? Am I right!? (Damn, I swore I'd never be that parent.)
This is sadly not the case. Little Carson man has become a master manipulator. And we fall into his expertly woven trap every. single. time.
He's becoming especially efficient at stalling at nap time and bedtime. Before he will even consider going to bed, it has become absolutely necessary that all of his choo-choo trains, monster trucks, firetrucks, stuffed animals, or any other toy within his range of vision be put to sleep as well. This routine consists of lying each toy on it's side and Carson saying, "bye bye choo-choo train engine, bye bye blues clues fire engine, bye bye every last toy that he possesses!"
Somehow, we've lost all control of storytime before bedtime. We used to allow only 3 stories, but now storytime has somehow morphed into reading 8-9 books. Even though I put the rogue books back on his bookshelf everyday, at some point during the day, Carson returns the books to his nightstand, ready to be read that night. Rather than let his primal screams wake up Ella, we give in and read the disallowed books.
Not ready to leave wherever we are? No problem, Carson will just suddenly find the most minute grain of nothing on the floor and decide he must study it, demanding to show us this nothing. We feign interest just to hurry his ass along.
Not interested in eating what I cooked for dinner? Say "all done, all done, all done" until we can't take it anymore, give up, and let you down to play.
Not feeling like having your diaper changed? Simply ignore Mommy as she requests your presence on the floor. Continue to ignore until Mommy starts losing her patience and then, and only then, begin to laugh and run away. Mommy thinks to herself, "I shouldn't chase him, he wants me to chase him." And a chase ensues.
You want a package of fruit snacks right there in the middle of the grocery store, but we haven't paid yet? Just scream your head off until Mommy relents and lets you eat one (okay, two) packages in order to finish the shopping trip in relative peace.
Come on, you're super impressed with our parenting skillz? Am I right!? (Damn, I swore I'd never be that parent.)
No, Mommy, wait!
Labels:
Little Monkeys,
Mommydom
46 People are even more brilliant:
He is too cute!
We just turned our living room into a giant play room for Little Man. We swore we'd never be *those* parents. HA!
I'm sure more of these moments are to come. Especially with a very cute little boy.
hehe
my oldest is a MASTER manipulater. she can pick out the pushover in ANY crowd. let's say she wanted more OJ. instead of saying, "mommy, may i please have more orange juice?" she simply says, "my orange juice is gone..." in her saddest voice ever. the hubs and i just shrug our shoulders and wait for her to actually ask. BUT, if my mom is there? she immediately jumps up, "do you want me to get you more orange juice? and a cookie?" um, when did we turn into the blood bank? ;-D
I am so totally THAT parent. You are not alone.
I also love that my almost 4 year old all of a sudden decides she needs to be spotless and clean before bed...Nine hours to brush each tooth, a hand washing marathon, the washing of the face and the perfection of the washcloth..>Gah!!! I hate bedtime routine.
Awww, but look at that sweet adorable face. It's a sad day when the little munchkin is smarter than both parents combined, isn't it? Just wait til Ella is bigger and they gang up on you.
THIS is exactly why I chuckle at first time moms who say "I'll never"! Cuz I said all those I nevers too and at the end of the day, some battles are worth picking and some arent.
Your Toddler Authori-tay just went up 100 points.
i never thought i'd be that parent either...now i totally wear that badge with pride!! :)
Don't worry... I am sooooooooo that parent too, and Michael HATES it!
I was once told that my manipulator will make a good leader, in the future. In the meantime, hang in there - it gets much worst. I've definately tried to remember that I am the boss. Heehee - me the boss.
We totally went through this phase. It culminated in a humiliating experience in a restaurant in Disney World, where The Poo fought so hard against a high chair while I was trying to deposit her therein that we both took a fall and crashed through two tables, countless chairs and one patron.
It will pass. Now we're in a serious lovin' phase. Just hunker down and wait it out!
ps- that photo is PRICELESS.
Great photo! and very funny post. I have no advice (not that you wanted any) but I look forward to using everything I'm learning when my guy starts this stuff.
-HH
That is a great picture!
We're all "that kind of parent". Some of us just don't have enough energy to hide it.
He's a doll. How could you not relent? I think that's why kids are so adorable, so we don't leave them on someone else's doorstep and head for the hills.
We have two manipulators. The youngest is picking up tips from the older one and the manipulation is starting even earlier with him. Some battles are worth waging and sometimes you just need to make it through your day.
I'm that parent too. I think we all are.
*Snort²*
Isn't it amazing? Guilty as charged here too.
I thought you were describing my little guy there for a moment! They are just so fun aren't they... good thing they are cute. You're doing a fine job... If you think you're not, then I must not be either! ;P
We swore we'd never be those parents either...that's why it takes us a good hour to put Nicholas down at night. 14 books later and a cup of a juice and 4 random diaper checks because he's sure that he's pooped and maybe we can get downstairs before he starts screaming at the gate and trying to make himself puke!
LOL at the examining bits of nothing ... so funny! SB was late to school today thanks to his attempt to turn our walk to school into yet another scavenger hunt.
It's easy not to be "one of those parents" when you don't have any kids. After that, all bets are off.
Here's help for the reading debacle. Read the original version of the Olivia books. She gets three stories. Every time SD tries to pull rank, I whip out Olivia & say, "Olivia gets three books and so do you."
I don't know what to say about putting the toys to bed.
But, mine has decided that hugging, kissing, and saying, "I loooveee you, Mommy," will manipulate the hell outta me. Know what? It feckin does.
Carson & my son, Gage, must know each other....because your entire post could have described little Gage!
...and I'm the mom who gives in...routinely.
oh, man!!!
guess this isn't new... so i have this to look forward to one of these days???
mmmmmmmmm
obv, i have no assvice for you. i'm not yet a mom.
but good luck. stick to your guns as much as you can!!
and when that fails...... boarding school???
Didn't we all swear that we would never be that parent? I know I did -- back before I had kids, when I still knew everything.
Now, though? Two packages of fruit snacks while in the grocery store sounds totally reasonable to me...
Ummm....why are you writing about my son????? ;-)
Life has a funny way of turning us into 'that parent'.
We all swore we wouldn't be THAT parent. Right now I am just settling for not being like MY own parents.
He's way too cute, I wouldn't have the power to resist either.
Just be glad the manipulation hasn't escalated to casual death threats yet.
Oh he's cute! Happens to the best of us and the rest of us.
The problem is that they know, we'll do anything for a minute or five of quiet. They know it and exploit it. Little stink dictators. :)
You can't be that parent because (sigh) I already am.
Somehow I think that you're not alone here! Hey, sometimes you have to be that parent for the sake of everyone's sanity!
Jane, Pinks & Blues
We all do it. With a three year old adn a one year old...it's just about survival...whatever it takes to get through the day. We've been known to get to the checkout at the grocery store with open juice boxes, cheese sticks and yogurts in a tube...oh, and Goldfish...I have eight open bags in my car that started at grocery store bribes.
Little Elvis is just eight months and he's already figured out several ways to manipulate me. When he was around 5 months, we established a bedtime routine. When we would get to the end of his final feeding, he would pull back, put his hand on my face, smile and say "guh." How could I put that sweet baby to sleep? (Luckily my husband isn't as much of a pushover right now.) I have a feeling that we'll both become "those" parents very soon.
I think everyone becomes 'those parents'. And since he isn't running around waving a gun or anything, I think you're probably still ok. And he is TOO CUTE!
We should have a theme song, or secret handshake, or rings, OOH! Rings! Pink ones!
Change the "he's" to "she's" and this post could be about my girl! Sheesh, I've become "that mom!"
But he's so cute...
Geez - he is so cute how could you resist him and I think I got the same problem on my hands (err two problems ...)
Yes, I will do anything for 5 mins of quiet too !
How could you resist him ? Becca is going through a simlar thing just now, fun is't it?
I was actually light headed reading your post!! It is us, and you know what makes it worse. WE have DONE this BEFORE!! Our older 2 boys were never permitted to "run" us. Where did we go wrong. Even down to the fruit snacks.. My mother in law says it's because we are older now! I hope that is not the case or he will be stayting out all night at 10.. HA HA
Oh my. If Bird is half as cute as Carson, I am SO in for it. I am now very afraid.
We are all "that parent" sometimes. I know I am and I said I wouldn't be. It's just easier than cleaning your brains off the wall.
Just wait until you have Carson potty-trained. Then your bedtime "routine" will include many trips to the bathroom. "mommy, I have to go potty." Over and over and over again. With nothing happening in there, but really, what kind of parent denies access to the toilet? Oh - I do - after the tenth trip!
Great post!
Love the pic AND feel your pain.
And, um, Declan is FIVE.
Yeah, I'm THAT parent every day. Eventually the embarrassment wears off, lol.
Not sure what to tell you about the other stuff but:
1)Diaper changing: I used to threaten with a visit to the doctor and a shot. (That she'll get a rash and have to get a shot to make the redness go away)
2)I feed my kids items I haven't paid for yet ALL the time. I don't think it matters as long as I pay for it in the end.
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