Bless Her Heart, She Can Be Such an A*sshole
This is a post that I really, really wish weren't true. I'd take it back if I could.
Yesterday, I went completely ballistic, as in totally bat shit crazy, at the library. (And it had nothing to do with the mommies at storytime.)
If there is one thing I hate, it's late fees. And if there is one thing I hate even more than late fees, is being charged a late fee that I did not actually incur. So when the librarian told me when I was attempting to check out that I had $8 in late fees that I'm certain was an error, I lost it.
Lost it.
Yelling. (I'm pretty sure I said things like, "I'm going to give THEM a piece of my mind." And, "This place is so stupid. We're NEVER coming back." *cowering*What do you have to do, return books a week early to avoid a late fee?" Oh. Yes. I. Did.)
Rolling my eyes.
Stomping.
Huffing.
Name calling.
At the librarian.
In front of the storytime mommies.
In front of my children.
It's as if my wack-job alter-ego, Trixie LaRue had taken over.
As I'm writing this, it's only been about two hours since the incident and I'm extremely remorseful and embarrassed. This part of my personality, the part that can blow a fuse without a moment's notice, is something I hadn't seen in a long time. It's something that I'm ashamed of and something that I wish I knew how to control.
There are several instances that I've completely lost my cool. Yelling at the man who said some off-color things to my friends and me in an LA restaurant at 2:30 AM, at the beyotch cashier at Kroger, at a friend who changed plans on me. Each of these incidences I had reason to be angry, but my reaction was completely uncalled for. Recalling each of these events still puts a knot in my stomach, I can feel my cheeks flush from the embarrassment.
I wish I could describe what happens in these moments where the anger portion of my brain suddenly becomes unleashed from the logical and sane portion. When I say suddenly, I really do mean suddenly. It's not as if I was already angry or stewing from another injustice, but without warning I'm shouting and making a complete ass of myself. In an instant I can go from perfectly calm to raging lunatic. As I'm in the throes of my tirade, I realize I should stop. Somehow I just keep ranting, though, knowing how idiotic I am acting, wishing I could stop acting like a childish two-year-old.
I'm not sure I can face going back to storytime next week. I made an ass of myself and I don't know how to get past that embarrassment. Also, I owe the librarian an apology, but I'm not sure if I have the 'nads to tell her how sorry I am that she was on the receiving end of my tantrum. The sad thing is, is that Carson had actually really enjoyed storytime yesterday, participating during the songs and interacting with the children. Also, the other moms and I actually had a conversation and I was feeling really great about the day. Then I go and act like such a jerk. Because of $8.
I've been imagining all day that after I left, the librarians were in the break room saying, "Bless her heart, she was being such an asshole!" That at least puts a little smile on my face.
Labels:
confession,
Mom Wars,
Quirky Me
54 People are even more brilliant:
My library tried to convince me that I returned a book damaged. Not once. TWICE. In a month. So, I paid over $40 to the library for books I didn't damage. Crazy, no?
Sometimes I think librarians have to find ways to pad the library budget, know what I mean?
And I love that the phrase "bless her heart" can sweetly negate everything else you have to say about a person. My boss likes to dish about someone and follow it up with "bless her heart"....makes me giggle everytime!
Ugh. I have some definite anger issues, too, but I usually have a little bit of warning that they're coming. Not that that will stop them, oh no. But at least I can (often) feel them coming and maybe sometimes warn DH. Complete strangers on the road, though? Look out.
Tomorrow's another day.
Trixie LaRue really knows how to make a scene huh?
I think we've all been there (not at that library... "there" meaning going ballistic and regretting it afterwards).
Bless your heart, girl. We're all assholes sometimes. ;)
Jane, Pinks & Blues
Oh Jennifer - I completely understand. I have the in me too - never know when it'll surface or what will set it off.
The librarian probably has off days too (bless her heart)
Trixie strikes, huh? It's OK. Go back to story time. Librarians probably see people freak over the fees all the time!
Oops! Do you have any large sunglasses and hats to wear for a while?
i feel ya, sistah.
this is a problem i have too, much to my embarrassment. possibly there's a 12-step program for us...
i feel ya, sistah.
this is a problem i have too, much to my embarrassment. possibly there's a 12-step program for us...
(oops. double posting comments is another issue i have. heh)
Im guilty of this, but my hubby normally gets the brunt of it.
I say apologize to the librarian and go back to story time. EVERYONE has bad habits. By apologizing, it shows others that you realize yours and that you're human! :)
Whether to go back or not...does it matter now anyway? winkie wink.
You're not an asshole. Not. At. All. We all lose our cool and regret words. We all feel like shit afterwards.
Life goes on. It goes on even better with a beer or two after such incidents.
Bottoms up!
So...did you owe the $8 or not?
If you didn't, go back to storytime - and act like nothing happened.
What a day.. I'm sure they understood!!
ouch. Is there another library close by?
j/k
Apologize the next time you go back and act like nothing ever happened after taht. :)
That happens to me, too. Most of the time it is airline employees and my husband who face my wrath.
I bet if you apologized the librarian would say it was no big deal.
But I totally get how you feel about it.
Hope your days is much better today.
Every time we go to a certain video store, they tell use we owe late fees of $11. We have all (3 of us) paid it a couple of times. The last time I blew a gasket and ranted like a lunatic and said I would never go back. I haven't, my son did and know what.... They charged him the $11. late fee. Some people are just crazy. They most likely will not remember it, I am sure your not the first or the last to lose it.
I think that happens to the best of us. I'm sure the librarian and other moms (if they saw you) have done the same thing at some point or other. I had a similar issue at the grocery store yesterday, and had been thinking about blogging about it. My little issue was over being overcharged 99 cents. I didn't scream, but the cashier made me look like a total bitch.
Oopsy! I say send a nice letter of apolgy to the librarian or just tell her sorry the next time you see her and then just move on. It happens to all of us! Don't be too hard on yourself - no big whoop.
Oh gosh! I hate when that happens.
I would appologize and then move on. As far as the other moms, they'll probably forget by next week - unless they don't suffer from "mommy brain" like the rest of us.
You are not alone in the sudden anger bursting forth department. I've done it at Target, a JCPenny, and just this past Monday on the phone with AT&T.
I've embarrassed my DH to the point that he's left the area I was in and hid in the car until I left.
Yes...anger issues suck. Especially in public like that. So sorry!!
I've been there, too. I'd go back next week and just make a joke out of it, "I promise today I won't scream and yell like a lunatic!"
We all have bad days...I'll bet there were several people there thinking how reassuring it was to see someone else lose it!
Think of it this way...you are now the Badass of the storytime mommies. No one is going to mess with you now. You can chat it up and people will talk to you and "respect you now". hehe. Is this helping at all?
I lose my shit at least once every other month on something or another. If it isn't on my kids or hubby, then I count my blessings.
You probably get "screwed" on a number of things throughout the week and sometimes it just builds up and one librarian bears the brunt. If you want, you can apologize to the librarian.
I went back and apologized to one of the nurses in my kids' pediatrician's office after chewing her out about a scheduling conflict (we had sat there for an hour and a half before they realized that the appointment wasn't written down in the book - sat there with a 3 year old and a 12 month old - fun!). I went back the following day and apologized for yelling and melting down. She appreciated the apology and chews the fat with me now, whenever I darken their doorstep or call the office. No biggie.
Is it time for that drink girl? Sounds to me like it is. Dont worry too much, just go in there and laugh out an apology while pointing towards your kid and making that crazy motion with your fingers. They'll understand.
I was "that asshole" once, too, and at a library. I never did apologize, though, the librarian was a C-word to me. I was pregnant, too. She was a C-word to a pregnant chick.
Apologize, if need be. Otherwise, chalk it up to being human. Hey, at least you blogged about it!
See you for Haiku tomorrow!
OMFG, you are SUCH a Cracker. That is why I love thee so.
Have a big glass o' wine for me tonight. You deserve it.
I've done it. Several times.
(never at a librarian, but our libraries don't have late fees)
I have COMPLETELY lost my cool and have been a total bit*ch. My therapist says I lack impulse control.
The last time it happened at church, (yes church). They didn't have anyone working in the nursery and I NEEDED to GET RID OF MY CHILD.
I had to apologize later. face to face. It was terrible, but I felt much better later. And now I can show my face at church. That's always a good thing.
Okay, I somehow was able to get this comment box on here, but I don't know what I clicked on... I just sent you an e-mail because I didn't think I was able to post here. LOL How can you tell I'm new at this?
Hello, my name is OHmommy and I am a story time dropout.
Yes. I am. Never went back and never looked back at the story time moms that were staring at me, after that one incident. I'm still too embarrassed to talk.
Is there a group for people like me?
Everyone has those moments. I'm sure that the librarian will forget all about it - you aren't the first or last person to have some 'words' with her.
If it makes you feel better, I yelled at my children today. Loudly.
Apologizing didn't fix it, (guess their future therapists will have to do that) but it did make all of us feel better. Apologize to the librarian and then forget about it.
okay, I can't say that i have done the library thing, I have done equaly (is that even spelled right>) whacky things..just got with the flow and act like you didn't take your meds that week.....
we all have brain snaps and sometimes it reminds us we are human and not so perfect. Apologize - maybe they probably see go ape all the time over fees.
"this is a problem i have too, much to my embarrassment. possibly there's a 12-step program for us...'
hands up I need to enrol too.
i do the same thing right now. it's really hard for me to keep my emotions (read anger/frustration/seething rage) in check, and when it comes out, i act like a complete ass. so. embarrassing.
we all have our moments.
cate - www.monkeysandmarbles.com
Ugh. I'm not telling how much I've spent at the FREE library. It's too embarrassing.
I think we all have moments where the angry side of our brains takes over. I had a temper tantrum the other night.
Your "Bless her heart, she was being such an asshole" line gave me a smile too. Least you got something out of it aside from a great blog entry!
Guilty... Sunday I had to call the satellite people since our new receiver was going crazy. I was nice at first, but then they told me it would be 4 days b4 anybody could come out to fix it, and I went off. I'm not sure what all I said, but I do remember threatening to call every 10 minutes until they got somebody out here. I still had to wait 4 days, but at least I got a VIP customer service tech, and he actually knew what he was doing.
Sometimes I feel bad afterwards, other times, not so much.
Ug. I feel your pain. I had a boyfriend in high school who called it a "frog temper" - you can tolerate flies around you for so long and then suddenly SNAP goes the tongue and you kill someone.
Wow. I wish I could summon some of that anger when the situation calls for it. I know it has no problem coming across in blog posts, but I am such a pushover and, at times, timid as a mouse in real life. I'm sure the librarians have dealt with worse!
I have a wig you can borrow - made especially for those occassions when you just lost it with someone - that or you can always just say, "Did you meet my twin sister the other day? Beautiful girl, but a few french fries short of a happy meal if you know what I mean!"
Since you didn't ask...
Apolgize (in front of Carson and as many of the mothers as possible). Think how impressed you would be to see another person apologizing in the same situation. It will wipe away all of your embarrassment.
http://wheelsonthebus.wordpress.com
Omg, you are SUCH as asshole.
In my opinion, any bitches, er, mommies in the group that wouldn't still love you after seeing that are KNOBS. You've just thinned the herd of JERKS as possible friends. Good job.
Go back to Storytime, Woman! :-)
I wacked out once at a craft store that wouldn't take an item back. I even suggested the cashier should be fired. Every time I think about that, I lost about a half-inch in height.
Awwww If this woman was in fact a woman, a mom, or has any understanding in her...she may have been annoyed, but hopefully understanding. As well as the other mommies! I know I wouldn't hold it against you! In fact I would probably laugh with you about it later! :-)
Who hasn't done that. Reading your post makes me think about the time I've done it. The heart pounding, gut wrenching moments. I once lost it with a used car salesman. He was so pushy - how cliche!
Next week you HAVE to go back...the longer you wait the more awkward it will be. Apologize to the librarian you went postal on and act like it didn't happen with the moms. (Unless they mention it...) If they do just tell them-"What the f--- is wrong with you-CAN'T YOU JUST LET IT GO B--CH?!!"
That should solve the problem.
Signed-Dr. Joy Browne
I know that "losing it" feeling. It's like the thingie on a pressure cooker that suddenly lets the steam out.
Luckily my own pressure cooker has a safety valve: when I get too mad in public, I cry. And so before I yell, I leave so I won't cry. But without the crying, I'd be yelling at cashiers too. And I yell afterward, in my mind.
I find that when I do lose it, the only thing to do is total, frank, look-in-the-eyes apology and admission of craziness. The first few words are so hard, but people usually soften almost immediately.
I used to work behind a register, and every time someone lost it with me over something that was not my fault, I remembered it PERMANENTLY, always with impotent rage (because I was too polite to fight back, and because usually it was so unfair). They'd come back the next week and act like nothing happened, and I didn't know how they could do that unless they thought I wasn't human. In ONE situation, though, the woman came back the next week and apologized to the whole staff, saying she'd been totally crazy and she didn't know what the hell had come over her, and that she had been totally wrong and she was so sorry for being a bitch, and I was practically crying with love for her, and THAT'S what I remember.
Oh, BUT: it is so, so annoying when there are screw-ups like that. Our library tells us about every 2 months that we never returned a book, and then we go to the shelves and there it is, and we have to walk it over to the desk and hand it to them. This pisses us off SO BAD.
$8!
How long did you (allegedly) have the book out? 16 years??
After teaching for 8 years, I lost count of how many parent rants I was on the receiving end of. Know how many apologies I got? Maybe one. And to tell you the truth, most of the time I forgot about it in a day or two. Don't even worry about it - go back to story time with your head held high. She probably had it comin!!
I lost it at the Disney Store because the damn coloring book wasn't 10% off.
No one's immune baby.
BTW, I'm getting antsy for A NEW NEIGHBOR.
*tapping foot*
Ooohhh. You must feel bad if you wrote about it so soon after. I hope your embarrassment doesn't keep you from going back. I'm sure each and everyone of the people that witnessed your anger have also lost their temper at one time or another.
A few weeks back i completly lost it as one of these religous ladies who comes to the door. Screaming and crying and ended up slamming the door in her face, both girls were napping at the same time for the first time in weeks and she woke Eilidh up. I felt so bad over it, so i know exactly how you feel
just a comment to let ya know that it happens to the best of us - at least you feel remorseful - I usually don't ;) Ash in Okla
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