Bless Her Heart, She Can Be Such an A*sshole

This is a post that I really, really wish weren't true. I'd take it back if I could.

Yesterday, I went completely ballistic, as in totally bat shit crazy, at the library. (And it had nothing to do with the mommies at storytime.)

If there is one thing I hate, it's late fees. And if there is one thing I hate even more than late fees, is being charged a late fee that I did not actually incur. So when the librarian told me when I was attempting to check out that I had $8 in late fees that I'm certain was an error, I lost it.

Lost it.

Yelling. (I'm pretty sure I said things like, "I'm going to give THEM a piece of my mind." And, "This place is so stupid. We're NEVER coming back." *cowering*What do you have to do, return books a week early to avoid a late fee?" Oh. Yes. I. Did.)

Rolling my eyes.

Stomping.

Huffing.

Name calling.

At the librarian.

In front of the storytime mommies.

In front of my children.

It's as if my wack-job alter-ego, Trixie LaRue had taken over.

As I'm writing this, it's only been about two hours since the incident and I'm extremely remorseful and embarrassed. This part of my personality, the part that can blow a fuse without a moment's notice, is something I hadn't seen in a long time. It's something that I'm ashamed of and something that I wish I knew how to control.

There are several instances that I've completely lost my cool. Yelling at the man who said some off-color things to my friends and me in an LA restaurant at 2:30 AM, at the beyotch cashier at Kroger, at a friend who changed plans on me. Each of these incidences I had reason to be angry, but my reaction was completely uncalled for. Recalling each of these events still puts a knot in my stomach, I can feel my cheeks flush from the embarrassment.

I wish I could describe what happens in these moments where the anger portion of my brain suddenly becomes unleashed from the logical and sane portion. When I say suddenly, I really do mean suddenly. It's not as if I was already angry or stewing from another injustice, but without warning I'm shouting and making a complete ass of myself. In an instant I can go from perfectly calm to raging lunatic. As I'm in the throes of my tirade, I realize I should stop. Somehow I just keep ranting, though, knowing how idiotic I am acting, wishing I could stop acting like a childish two-year-old.

I'm not sure I can face going back to storytime next week. I made an ass of myself and I don't know how to get past that embarrassment. Also, I owe the librarian an apology, but I'm not sure if I have the 'nads to tell her how sorry I am that she was on the receiving end of my tantrum. The sad thing is, is that Carson had actually really enjoyed storytime yesterday, participating during the songs and interacting with the children. Also, the other moms and I actually had a conversation and I was feeling really great about the day. Then I go and act like such a jerk. Because of $8.

I've been imagining all day that after I left, the librarians were in the break room saying, "Bless her heart, she was being such an asshole!" That at least puts a little smile on my face.

Meredith Viera is NOT My Hero

Melissa from Suburban Bliss is my new hero!!! She has considered selling her children on Ebay and she drinks…at playdates, no less!!! I know this because she said so on The Today Show. She was also compared to being a babysitter by Meredith Viera. Don't even get me started on Meredith. I tried to give her a chance after coming from the View (a vile, filthy, Barbara Walters hates breastfeeding show), but after this, she is dead to me. Dead to me, I say.

The whole "controversy" of this Today Show segment was whether or not it is "appropriate" for moms to have A drink at playdates. I think this is terrific! A glass of wine, a frosty mug of beer, a martini, sounds like great fun and a great way to get to be an adult for a while! Sure your kids may see you have A drink. They'll survive.

As stated by Melissa during the segment, those who are opposed to this "trend" are also those who are out to criticize your every parenting move. I wholeheartedly agree. It's a damn shame that we as mothers can so harshly judge one another. "You aren't breastfeeding?!?" "You allow your child to cry it out?!?" "So you're into that whole attachment parenting thing." "That milk isn't organic, don't you know your daughters are going to grow breasts at age two?" The judging never ends.

As for drinking at playdates, I'm sure that there are many people who are adamantly against drinking and/or allowing your children see you drink. I get that. That's cool. That's your choice. You may not want to hang around my playgroup.